


Eternity in Our Eyes

by DominaEcca (Jake_Oxenstierna)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Drama, Fluff and Angst, Love Triangles, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-19 08:52:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9431534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jake_Oxenstierna/pseuds/DominaEcca
Summary: What is there to do when time can't heal these wounds? When love outlasts the ages it was conceived in, or when it can't be found on shared shores? Messy love triangles, old flames, and family drama.





	1. Chapter 1

Mathias sighed heavily as he got himself another beer and stood by the window. He wasn't even looking at what was outside. He couldn't focus. Couldn't sit still.

He was always like this after seeing the Swede. A few days before, they had held a small meeting with just the Nordic nations. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary: Mathias showed up twenty minutes late but with perfect hair, Tino was completely off topic, and Lukas and Emil were fighting over fish again. Berwald was mostly silent, listening to Tino chatter on about whatever it was he was talking about. Mathias wasn't paying enough attention to him, though. The Dane was just sitting there, being aware of Berwald. He wasn't always staring at him, that would have been obvious and creepy, but, if the taller man so much as shifted, he was aware of it.

A car drove by on the street in front of his house, and he shook his head, trying to ground himself back into reality. Into the present. It hadn't really been working for the past few decades he'd been trying, though.

He turned away from the window and walked back into the living room, turning on the television and flipping over to some random sports channel. He wasn't paying attention to that either. He was already thinking about Berwald again…

The Swede had left him so long ago. Left him along with Tino. Mathias had thought he'd made peace with his absence back then, but, no. He supposed he never really had. He had wanted to go after him, and when he couldn't bring him back, he remembered being utterly inconsolable for what felt like ages. Lukas was there with him for a while, but even he eventually left the Dane as he was; alone and heartbroken.

For a time after that, however, he thought himself freed of this damning adoration for the stoic man. After all, it was clear that Berwald didn't return his love any longer, and that was that. It was time for them both to move on. The Swede finally proposed to the small Finnish nation, and Mathias happily attended their wedding ceremony. Even if some aspects of their union weren't exactly official, they were still wed, and eventually they adopted Peter together.

He wasn't sure exactly when it all seemed to relapse on him, but did he recall a drunken night with Berwald about eight months after he was married. Lukas had fallen asleep on the couch and so they had been squished close together awkwardly on the smaller sofa. They talked and laughed quietly late into the night, but since they were pressed so close together, there was a moment when Berwald and turned his head and looked at him, and Mathias had very nearly moved in to kiss him. He had just barely caught himself, but this small incident had shocked him to his core. The Swede had given him an odd look and moved back a bit, but nothing was ever said about it.

What was there to say, after all?

That he was sorry he couldn't leave well enough alone? That his stupid heart just wouldn't let it all go? That he was so sorry he wished that, just for a moment, he could go back to a time when Berwald still loved him. When he would come to his bed, and his bed alone…

Mathias let his head fall back against the couch with a soft thump and then stared blankly at the ceiling. He was thinking too much about the past. It was making him sick, but it was commonplace anymore, it seemed.

He needed to get out of the house.

* * *

This did not go as planned.

Lukas was busy. As was Emil. Realizing that his network of friends was pitifully small, he frowned deeply in annoyance. There were other nations he enjoyed the company of, such as Alfred and, although Ludwig was too uptight for him he liked his brother, Gilbert. Still, when he lifted his phone again, he hesitated.

After a moment he sighed and set the phone face-down on the coffee table in front of him.

Mathias didn't want to see any of them, truthfully.

He wanted to see Berwald.

The Dane had been staunchly avoiding calling the Swede, though. He knew nothing good would come of it, and in his attempt to fight himself, he had gone so far as to delete Berwald's number from his contacts. It wasn't foolproof, he still had the damned thing memorized, but at least he had the chance to catch himself while dialing.

This had gone on for days now, though. His willpower was weakening. Of the two forces that battled viciously inside of him, one was nearing exhaustion, and it wasn't his sense of self-control.

He chewed his lip.

He stood up and wandered into the kitchen. After looking around for a bit, he nibbled on some crackers, and then went back for his beer. After he finished his crackers and took a drink, he went back to biting on his lip as he stared down at his phone.

He could do it…

On the television, one of the players was lining up to take a shot, and he quickly threw his inner battle into the hands of fate. He bet with himself that if the player made the shot, he would call Berwald. If he missed, he wouldn't. He might have to throw his phone out the window, though.

Turning his body fully towards the screen, he held his breath with the crowd as the moment came. In with powerful surge, the player took the shot. There was a terrifying second of suspense that seemed to stretch out into an hour. The crowd was silent, or maybe they were cheering, Mathias couldn't hear them. He could only stare unblinkingly as the camera followed the ball closely as it neared its destination. He wasn't sure if it was the television or just his own mind, but everything fell into slow motion, and just when he thought his lungs were about to burst, the goal was made and the crowd went absolutely wild.

Mathias, too, cried out loudly, though he hadn't really been watching the game, nor cared whose point it was.

Moving quickly, he spun around and snatched up his phone, punching in the numbers on a rush of adrenaline that helped him beat down the last protest from the rational side of his mind.

One ring. His heart was still pounding.

Two rings. He could hear the roar of the crowd dying down.

A third ring and his heart wobbled precariously, threatening to sink down into the depths of despair and disappointment. At least he was becoming accustomed to that by now.

Then, the line connected.

" _Hello?_ " Berwald's deep but quiet voice reached his ears.

His fried nerves seemed to reach a frenzied pitch and he gasped silently, feeling like he was practically paralyzed.

" _…Hello?_ " he asked again, a bit clearer.

"Hiya Ber!" he finally choked out, much too loudly.

He shut his eyes for a moment, able to see the way Berwald's eyebrow would have quirked up in surprise after recovering from the loud response.

" _Mat?_ "

"Yep!"

" _What do ya want?_ " he asked shortly.

That wasn't abnormal; Berwald wasn't much for chit chat unless he was drinking, really.

"Uh," his brain screeched like metal wheels grinding to a halt.

He had prepared nothing to say. Desperately snatching up the first idea he had, he thought about drinking. A bar.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come out with me tonight? Lukas is working, but we can go to that pub by my house,"

Terrified that his voice was about to break and give away the fact he was nearly trembling, he coughed a bit and ran a hand through his hair, trying to take a few discreet breaths.

" _…Sure. What time?_ "

The Dane's head tipped backwards in a mix of relief and panic.

"Um, how does around eight o'clock sound?" he threw out quickly.

Berwald grunted on the other end of the phone. " _Sounds fine._ "

"Great!" he cheered excitedly, his heart pumping hard in his chest at his victory.

It felt so good to talk to him, to hear his voice, even though it hadn't even been that long since he saw him…

The Swede made a noise that might have been a soft breath of amusement. " _…See ya then,_ "

Charmed by the sound, he nodded stupidly as though Berwald could see him. "Right! See ya!"

He held the phone to his ear until he heard the line go dead, and then stared at his couch with wide eyes.

God, he shouldn't have done that. That was so stupid. What was he going to do? Go and tell him and ruin their friendship? No, but the only other option would be to suppress these chaotic feelings the entire time he was beside him. It was going to be a long night.

And yet, he was still buzzing with excitement.

Mathias checked his watch and gasped. It was nearly quarter after seven!

Rushing off to shower and get ready, he was already thinking about what he was going to wear. He swore, this stupid infatuation really was a pain in the ass.

* * *

He arrived at the bar late and embarrassed, but looking good. He had spent too much time getting ready and skipped eating dinner, but he was aware that he turned heads when he walked in. Not that he cared about any of them, though. He only had eyes for a tall Swede who had a weird knack for being completely unnoticeable when he wanted to.

After searching around the fairly crowded bar for a few minutes, he heard him call out.

"Mat!"

He turned quickly, maybe too quickly, and spotted Berwald sitting at the bar. The tall man was dressed well, a nice button-up shirt and black slacks, but it made Mathias feel self-conscious about his decision to wear a tie. Regardless, the Swede pushed the stool beside him towards Mathias with his foot, nodding at the counter as he had already bought him a beer.

The Dane took the seat and the beer eagerly, smiling at the man beside him as his pulse sped up dangerously, despite how he tried to force himself to stay calm. "Thanks!"

Berwald just nodded and watched him take a pull of beer without blinking. Mathias gulped hard, trying to take a few steadying breaths before speaking so that his voice wouldn't tremble.

"So," Berwald said as they leaned their elbows on the counter.

Now that was interesting. Normally, if the other person didn't begin a conversation, Berwald could sit in silence for hours on end. He hadn't exactly begun a conversation himself, but it was still something.

After that, the Dane took the lead easily enough. He was a sociable person, by most accounts anyway, and he could talk to anyone about nearly anything if he had to, even quiet Berwald. It was easier for him anyway because he knew what held the man's attention and what did not. They discussed a few boring things like business and a bit of government business just to get him talking, but after another around, they were able to talk about sports and more interesting things.

However, as the night wore on, Mathias suddenly found the room spinning.

"Whoa," he mumbled, pausing midsentence to lean his head in his hands for a moment.

"What is it?" Berwald asked quickly, concerned.

More than anything, he wanted to look at him and smile stupidly, but his stomach grumbled irritably at him, and he remembered that he had skipped dinner.

"Ah, shit," he cursed quietly.

"Mat, are ya okay?" Berwald asked again, leaning in closer and settling his hand on his back steadily.

He should have just told him he hadn't eaten, but instead he grinned like an idiot when his entire body heated up from Berwald's touch, and he ordered another round.

"Of course, I'm fine," he told him proudly, sitting back up.

Berwald squinted at him in an adorably suspicious manner, but when Mathias laughed loudly he just rolled his eyes. Those beautiful sea-green eyes…

Once the room stopped spinning he tilted his head a bit at the man sitting beside him.

"So, what have you been up to, Ber?"

Berwald looked down into his drink, rolling it a little between his palms. "Nothin' much,"

The Dane scoffed a bit louder than he might have normally, but it apparently bothered his Swedish companion enough to get him to speak again.

"Just work. It's been busy," he sighed.

"Have you had time to make anything?" Mathias asked him, aware that Berwald's favorite pastimes usually involved crafting things.

Whereas most normal people could relax on the couch with their feet up and a cold drink in their hand, Berwald couldn't sit for very long with nothing to do before he got a little antsy. Mathias distantly thought that he might have recalled Tino lightly complaining about this to Lukas at some point. It was hard for him to sit and watch a movie all the way through, and nearly impossible for him to just take a lazy day. He had always been like that though, ever since Mathias had known him, and now it was something he found unbearably endearing.

Berwald shrugged a little and took a drink, and then traced his finger around the bottom of the glass. "Been workin' on a new dining table."

"Oh yeah?" he pressed, leaning a bit closer when the bar loudly erupted in excitement over something on the television.

He would have been watching if he hadn't been with Berwald. Mathias enjoyed sports, and enjoyed feeling the atmosphere of a room become charged with excitement over a big game, but now he couldn't take his eyes off the Swede long enough to even figure out what they were all watching. He just couldn't bring himself to care enough.

"Yeah," Berwald said, glancing at the television before he looked back at Mathias and frowned a bit. "Haven't had enough time to work on it though. Should've had it done last week,"

So he really had been busy. Mathias knitted his eyebrows together sympathetically and smiled a bit.

"What's it look like?" he asked curiously; they had a very nice dining table already, but if he could, Berwald would probably replace every item in his house with one he had made himself.

"Well," he took a longer pull of beer and Mathias watched him swallow it. "It's got four legs, and a flat top…"

Mathias stared for a second, and then laughed loudly. Probably too loudly. But it wasn't often that Berwald joked with him before he was completely drunk. The Swede's cheeks were tinted pink with embarrassment but he smiled when Mathias laughed.

He looked so handsome like that, smiling at him with his cheeks flushed lightly. Mathias chuckled and then sighed softly, noticing that his glasses glinted charmingly and his flaxen hair was shining even under the dim bar lights. His shoulders also had loosened up a bit, and he now rested one elbow on the bar with a much more natural look. One long leg reached down to the floor while the other was bent up on the bar stool, keeping him turned towards Mathias so that their eyes met often and he was able to see his smile clearly.

That beautiful smile…

"Shut up," Mathias grinned at him.

"Well, it looks like a table," he defended himself.

Mathias scoffed again, but took a drink and then leaned more of his weight on the bar when his dizziness threatened to return. "I bet it looks nice,"

Berwald didn't say anything back; he just glanced at him and then coughed before looking back into his beer.

Aware that it was very possible for the conversation to die with that, Mathias quickly began trying to find a new topic of discussion, but then Berwald surprised him.

"What have _you_ been up to?" he asked pointedly over the rim of his glass, which made Mathias laugh again.

He shook his head a little. He couldn't say 'oh, I've been thinking about you non-stop because I'm still hopelessly in love with you' so he decided on something a bit less honest.

"It's been pretty busy for me, too," he sighed dramatically and then threw a glance at the empty stood next to him. "And for Luke."

Berwald nodded. "Said ya called him, too?"

"Yeah, but you know how he gets when he's busy," Mathias said, looking down at the counter. "I think he's stressed out."

The Swede appeared to pause and think of something, but he ever voiced his thought.

"Maybe next time." was all he said.

Next time…

As much as Mathias was enjoying being with Berwald again, there was still an intense pain that he felt deep inside his chest. There was so much he felt like he was repressing, and the thought of continuing on like this made his body tired. They were silent while they finished their beers, but then Berwald ordered again for both of them and offered Mathias a soft, hardly noticeable smile. It warmed his chest instantly and he perked back up.

He had honestly expected Berwald to want to go soon, it was getting late after all, but he showed no immediate sign of wishing to leave. He felt himself beaming stupidly as they received their next round, and when Berwald rolled his eyes at him it only fueled his infatuated glee.

He really should have been more careful about how much he was drinking though, and before he could stop himself, he was suddenly way too drunk to drive home. At least, it felt like it hit him suddenly. But perhaps it had been creeping up on him slowly over the hours they talked together. It was almost impossible to tell now.

Once Berwald had wrestled his keys away from him, the tall Swede slung Mathias' arm over his shoulder and began to haul him out of the pub. He tried to apologize, but the alcohol really had hit him hard, and now he could hardly speak at all. He looked up at Berwald as he was practically carried out of the bar and saw that his brow was furrowed deeply in annoyance. When Mathias realized that he was the cause of this severe annoyance, his heart wrenched in his chest.

He didn't mean for Berwald to get mad at him. He hadn't meant to get drunk, either, he just wanted to have a good time with him. He should have eaten something. He was so stupid.

_I'm so sorry,_ he wanted to tell him, but was unable to do so coherently. _Please don't hate me._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: There will be smut in this chapter. And in future chapters. If you don't want to read that, please leave now. If you do want to read that, then please enjoy!

Mathias had seemed dangerously determined to dive himself home, but Berwald had practically dragged him to his car instead. He threw the inebriated man in the passenger seat and buckled him in forcibly as his head tipped forward. Usually, when he got this wasted, Mathias was loud and excited and overall jovial. But now, his face was constantly contorted, twisted into a look of pain and worry, although he was unable to answer Berwald when he asked what was wrong. He didn't like that at all.

The Swede shut the door with a sigh, walked around to the driver's side of the car, and jumped in. They left Mathias' car in the parking lot, though he had made sure it was locked and that Mathias still had his keys. They'd get it later.

As Berwald drove him home, he found himself clutching at the steering wheel.

Mathias had called him out of nowhere, wanting to hang out and go to a bar. Fine. That really wasn't weird. They hadn't spent much time together since Lukas was busier these days, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. It was hard for Berwald to call Mathias with the intent of seeing him alone, however. It gave rise to old memories…old desires.

It had been so long ago that they were together, but, they were timeless beings. He could still recall everything with perfect clarity, as though it had only been yesterday that they shared a bed. He was happy with Tino, he loved his wife and his son, but Berwald wasn't like the others; he just couldn't forget the past the way the rest of their kind seemed to. So, even in the present day when Mathias drew in too close to him, or their hands brushed each other's, he was forced to remember the way it had once been between them. The way they had once been so deeply in love.

He shook himself out of his thoughts and focused again on the road after he took a particularly sharp turn that seemed to startle Mathias. The Dane tipped his head backwards and looked at him sideways. Berwald wasn't looking at him, he was still watching the road, but he could just _feel_ his eyes on him. That seemed to be happening an awful lot lately.

"Ber?"

"Yeah?" he asked without looking away.

"…'m really so-rry," he hiccupped.

The Swede resisted the urge to turn to him, not wanting to see that miserable expression on his face. He didn't really know what he was apologizing so much for, probably for getting drunk, but it still hurt his heart to see him look so sad.

He just shook his head. "It's fine."

They pulled into Mathias' driveway and Berwald parked and shut the car off quickly, getting out to fetch his passenger though he was still trying to protest. He needed food, water, and sleep. Berwald tried to get his mind to focus on these things instead of on the well-built body that fell into his arms when he opened the car door.

Berwald hauled him out of the car, considering just throwing him over his shoulder, but then thought that it might induce vomiting, and figured they could both go without dealing with that tonight. So, he helped him stumble up to the front door, wondering if he even realized where he was. Still, the wild-hair Dane seemed to know when it was time to start fishing around in his pockets for his keys, and after swinging them around incoherently for a few minutes, helpfully surrendered them to Berwald's much less impeded aiming skills.

As soon as they were inside, Berwald set his drunken friend down on the couch for a moment while he grabbed his phone and texted Tino.

" _Mathias is drunk. Taking him home_." his hands hesitated for a second before he bit his lip and added. " _Going to stay with him to make sure he's okay_."

He wasn't sure how the small Finn would feel about him spending the night at Mathias', but honestly, Berwald was fairly certain that Tino was almost completely oblivious to his and Mathias' past…relations. Berwald had always done his best to hide it from him, after all. He loved Tino; he wanted his wife to see him as a fit husband, and so he didn't want him to know what he had done with Mathias. On those long, cold nights all those years ago…

"Ber," a drunk whimper escaped Mathias' lips and the tall man jerked away from his own memories.

Before he could respond, his phone flashed and buzzed, and he quickly scanned a new message from Tino telling him to be safe and that he'd see him tomorrow. He felt a strange, lone ache in his heart, product of a thought that had never occurred to him before.

What if Tino did know and he just…didn't care?

"Ber," Mathias called again, and an unfamiliar sound accompanied the soft plea.

He set the phone down on the coffee table and crouched down to inspect Mathias' expression, as his face was half stuffed into one of the plush throw pillows. What he saw made him gasp audibly.

The Dane was crying. The weak sobs wracked his shoulders and he squeezed the pillow tighter to his face.

"Come back," he muttered drunkenly.

As he stared at him, he thought that he looked different now. His hair was still as wild as it had always been, but his face seemed older. Sadder. As Berwald took a moment to really look at him, it seemed that he could now see the faint, nearly invisible lines of loneliness and pain that had been etched into the Dane's immortal face.

"Mat," he whispered at length. "I'm here,"

The Dane's bright blue eyes opened a bit, though they were filled with tears. Still, he seemed to light up when he saw him, and Berwald's heart did something strange and violent deep within his chest.

"Are you really?" he mumbled almost incoherently, reaching out with a weak hand to touch the Swede's face as though he didn't believe him.

But that, the way he looked at him so sadly and reached out to him so helplessly…he couldn't take that anymore. He probably should have just kept his mouth shut, let the Dane sleep it off and awkwardly go home in the morning, but instead Berwald grasped his hand tightly, watching as his past lover awoke more with each motion.

"Mathias," he said more firmly. "I'm here."

Those stunningly blue eyes widened in understanding, and then in some kind of desperation.

"Ber, please," he reached out to him with more force, and there was nothing Berwald could do but catch him.

The drunken Dane slipped off the couch and they collapsed gracelessly to the floor. Berwald's glasses were knocked off his face, but before he could even try to reach for them, he felt Mathias collapse hard on top of him, pinning him down to the floor. He expected Mathias to be jolted by the fall, but when Berwald tried to look to him, he was stopped suddenly, able to feel Mathias pressing kisses against his jaw, sloppily moving down his neck. For just a second, the pleasurable feeling was enough to overpower his immediate thoughts, and his head fell back a bit. Then, his mind snapped back into gear, and he caught the other Nordic nation and yanked him back.

"Mat," he said, his voice hard and scolding, though his skin still felt like it was burning from where he had kissed him.

"I'm sorry," he answered immediately, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry. I'm bad,"

Berwald's eyes saddened at this display and he suddenly felt very old, as though his age suddenly descended upon him all at once.

He gave up holding the Dane back and let himself fall flat on the floor, lifting his arm up to cover his face with his elbow, sighing heavily while absently finding and grasping his glasses in the other hand. What the hell was Mathias trying to do to him?

"I was a bad lover Ber," he continued anyway. "Too selfish."

When he felt another timid kiss being pressed against the tender skin of his neck, he sighed. "You still are."

He let out a noise that sounded like a wail, and collapsed more heavily against his chest. "I know! I know. I'm sorry…"

The Swede kept his face covered. He couldn't deny that his pulse was much faster than it was before Mathias kissed him, but he thought of Tino, and how the poor Finn was sleeping all alone in their big bed, and the guilt was enough to keep him anchored to reality.

"Still…?" he picked his head back up to look at him.

"What?" Berwald asked, not looking at Mathias.

" _Still_ a bad lover?"

Still selfish…

Damn it. Stupid Dane. He moved his arm to look at him.

"Mat, I can't," he choked out.

He meant to say more. He'd had a whole speech prepared in his mind about how times had changed and how he was with Tino, but none of that came out. Just a helpless look.

Mathias took in that look for a moment before pressing their foreheads together, bringing their lips dangerously close.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Ber." he made a noise that might have been a tiny hiccup, or a suppressed sob. "But, I know I miss you. I can't help it. I can't make it stop,"

A flash of memories went through his mind as he felt Mathias' breath brush over his lips. Memories of older times, of the shameful times he had thought of Mathias while he was with Tino…of the times he had touched himself when no one was home while thinking about the stupid Dane. It was all too much, and it overwhelmed him too quickly.

He missed Mathias the way he had sworn he never would. Lying there, flat on the floor, he silently admitted to himself that he loved Mathias still…perhaps even enough to want him back. At the very least, enough to want him.

"Stay with me Ber, I'm begging you. Tell Tino I'm making you stay, but please don't leave me alone. I can't take it anymore," the shorter blond screwed his eyes shut as though he was in great pain…maybe he was.

A tear rolled down his cheek.

"I told him already. I'm not going anywhere." he admitted in an attempt to take some of that pain away, brushing the tear off his warm skin. "Just don't cry."

There was moment of silence while the two men lied on the floor in the dark. They lied there, consumed by their own thoughts and feelings, with absolutely no noise save their own breathing, and the clock upon the wall. When Mathias finally appeared to have pulled himself together, Berwald drew in a deep breath and sat up, holding him to his chest until he was able to get the leverage to pull Mathias up onto the couch with him.

"I need you," Mathias told him.

"You need to eat."

"I do need to eat,"

"…but, I need you too."

Mathias looked up at him, with those big puppy eyes sparkling in wonder.

Damnit all to hell…if he was just fucking around with him this time, he swore, he'd kill him. This man was ruining his life, the life he had built with Tino, but Berwald felt like he was going down a tunnel; he just couldn't seem to stop or turn away and head a different way. But, it wasn't all Mathias' fault, he supposed. Berwald's own damning heart was tied to the stupid nation beside him. At least it seemed that the Dane's heart was tied to him too, and that gave him some semblance of comfort, for better or for worse. Though the latter seemed more likely at this point.

* * *

Once Mathias had sobered up a bit, and had eaten and drank enough to ease Berwald's worry, they both just sat together on the couch, simply talking into the long hours of the night. They had been silent at first, and when Mathias began to talk, he expected it to be of their immediate situation, but the nation beside him intended no such thing. Perhaps he thought that it would be best to wait to discuss more important matters, though if it had been anyone else, Berwald would have never stood for such a thing. It was so easy to talk to him though, however hard Berwald had tried to shy away from him, however cold he had been towards him. The Dane also still remembered many of their adventures together in as much detail as the Swede himself, which surprised him in a pleasant way.

However, many of Berwald's older memories of them included memories of their relationship. It was hard to talk around this, and after a bit they both just fell silent. They were looking at their hands, or feet, or the furniture as though trying to escape from their own memories. It was nice furniture; the Dane had good taste…

When their eyes finally met again, Mathias rubbed the back of his neck.

"So…do you want to come upstairs?" he asked, his cheeks red, his head tilted down in anticipation of rejection and maybe even a scolding, but still not breaking eye contact for hope.

Hope of an answer that Berwald couldn't possibly give. Whether Mathias knew of Berwald's own desire or not, Berwald carried kisses that Mathias had placed upon his skin already. And to go further…what would Tino think? He couldn't break up his family over this, that wasn't an option.

But, somehow, neither was spending tonight alone. It was impossible.

That stupid Dane…

"…Yeah." he finally whispered back.

Mathias moved slowly, a rarity for him, and they both stood together. They took each other's hands, in part to make sure that Mathias wouldn't tip over, but they never really let go. They clutched each other's hands, in fear; fear of what would come of this. And yet, Berwald allowed himself to be led up the stairs and to the room on the right: the bedroom.

It was dark. Mathias shut the door behind them and locked it without turning the light on. Berwald was thankful for that, although he could still see his outline in the faint light from beyond the window. That wild hair, those big eyes, and those soft lips…

They came together slowly again, being quiet like they might get caught, but after only a few deep kisses, the Dane's nimble fingers were suddenly at his throat, removing his tie and tossing it aside carelessly. Then they went for the buttons. Berwald was less nimble, but was still able to get rid of Mathias' tie, but became distracted when the shorter man began pushing his shirt down off his shoulders, untucking it from his pants and throwing it away as well.

Berwald expected another kiss once he was shirtless, but instead he felt familiar, hot lips against his neck, leaving a trail of wet, open-mouthed kisses down to his shoulders and chest.

God, how that still turned him on.

With that, the need to make love as they used to, to actually fuck his lover to the point where his muscles would ache the next day washed over him and he grabbed his Dane. He kissed him hard before forcing him to remove his shirt over his head, as he would surely tear off the small buttons in his rush to strip him.

"Whoa," he said in honest surprise, but then offered a sly smirk that stroked Berwald's irritated nerves to a pitch.

He shoved the other man hard and watched him topple backwards onto the bed, where he quickly kicked off his shoes and then looked up eagerly. Berwald stepped towards the bed, stepping out of his shoes as well, and slowly removing his belt as he took off his glasses and set them on the nightstand.

The Swede almost couldn't decide what he wanted to do. He was torn between the want to just go straight into sex, and the desire to drag it out, to torment his impatient lover.

"Ber!" Mathias wined, watching the lazy way he was moving as he thought it over. "Come on, don't tease me!"

It was almost a relief to hear that.

Sex with Tino was soft, gentle, and slow up until the climax. That didn't make it less wonderful, and the small Finn did have the best ass he'd ever seen (or groped), but sometimes Berwald just needed this; to fuck. To not have to monitor his strength and speed, but to simply have faith that the body submitting to him could take whatever he gave. Mathias could take it. In fact, Mathias alone could handle how rough he could get.

He caught himself smirking now, slowly beginning to undo his slacks, and then allowed them to fall to the floor.

"No boxers? Are you sure you weren't planning this all along?" he teased further, perhaps a remnant of his drunkenness, or even an attempt to trigger his inner aggression the way only Mathias could.

"You still don't know when to shut up, do you?" Berwald asked him, leaning over the Dane before grabbing his slacks by the waist, and nearly ripping them as he yanked them off in a single, violent motion.

"Hey!" he gasped in alarm, but Berwald arched an eyebrow when he saw that he wasn't wearing anything underneath his pants either, and the Dane just grinned at him.

Now naked, Berwald allowed Mathias to drag him down on to the bed too, trying to lie on his side to kiss him, but found that his shoulders were quickly pinned to the soft, downy comforter. Berwald distantly missed the fur blankets he remembered so clearly…

However, when the wild-haired blond straddled his hips, it caught his full attention. Mathias brought both of his hands to his mouth, blowing him a kiss before slathering both of them in saliva. It was both vulgar and extremely exciting. He reached one hand down, and grasped the Swede's hardening member firmly. He then slid the slick hand up and down his shaft until it had spread the lubrication. Then he reached down with the other, bringing the first back to his mouth to lick it some more. As the second hand grasped him, Berwald couldn't help a soft gasp, and felt the muscles in his legs and hips twitch, making him thrust a little into that warm, familiar hand.

God, he had wished for this for so long. Dreamed of it. Longed for it. Again, he thought back to times when he had so desperately wished for his touch. Now, it was really Mathias' hands that gripped and stroked him, and as he wrapped both of his strong hands around his hot, now fully erect cock, Berwald let out a moan that even he hadn't expected.

The noise fueled Mathias though, and he knew what Berwald liked. He teased him with long, slow strokes, manipulating his flesh until he was practically panting, both hands fisted in the blanket on either side of him. His head swam with such sinful ecstasy, and the blood rushing passed his ears almost deafened him to what Mathias said, which then made his entire body ache with desire.

"Fuck me Ber," he muttered huskily and then leaned down, one hand still teasing his length, and whispered 'please' before teasingly kissing his neck.

In a single motion he moved out from beneath him and flipped their positions, throwing Mathias down into the bed hard. Mathias squeezed his eyes shut like he was dizzy, but Berwald didn't wait for him to recover before he slid his arms underneath his naked body, and kissed him viciously. He gripped his seductive Dane harshly as they kissed, his fingers gripping that wild hair and the base of his neck while his other hand moved lower to hold his back and keep him pressed against Berwald's chest. But, Mathias relaxed into his grasp, giving what Berwald was demanding of him.

His own answer was in that kiss, and as their mouths harbored the sloppy lovemaking of their tongues, a powerful feeling overtook his mind. This was _right_. The Swede's body gave a fierce tremble of arousal, and he was able to feel the Danish cock throbbing hotly against his torso. It was time.

When they parted and Berwald backed off a bit, the Dane eagerly twisted around and got on his hands and knees before he lunged for the nightstand, searching inside the small drawer until he produced a bottle of lube. Berwald accepted it from him, but frowned. It was opened, and quite a bit was used. He grabbed Mathias strongly by the shoulder so he couldn't flip back over, yanking him so that his ass pressed back against the shaft of the Swede's hard cock.

"Who?" he demanded angrily, honestly and irrationally outraged by the thought that any other could have been with Mathias.

_His_ Mathias.

"N-no one Ber," he panted, trying to cant his hips to tempt him, though he looked away in embarrassment. "I…I used it on myself. I was pretending it was you."

Stunned for a moment, he loosened his grip, and then bent over and pressed an affectionate kiss to the back of his shoulder.

"Me too." was all he said.

Berwald opened the bottle and poured the cool contents into his hand, not bothering to warm it up before he slicked his fingers and eagerly slipped one inside of him.

"You…!" he began, but then Mathias gasped and let out a loud moan.

His Dane had always been so loud. He loved it though, and Mathias knew it turned him on.

Berwald began pumping his hand in an out, listening to his lover's eager noises. But he still moved slowly; he always liked to take his time preparing Mathias. Mostly because the Dane was too impatient to bear it, but Berwald would make him endure. This was the penalty for doing this to him; sweet torture. The price of passion.

He slipped another finger inside, reveling in the intense, oppressive heat from Mathias' body. It was so tight; he would never let him get this tight when they were together. He found he had to keep swallowing as Mathias arched his back and moaned deliciously. Berwald stretched him with his fingers a bit before adding a third, and Mathias actively clenched and relaxed his muscles around them to help him prepare. He made noises the entire time though, knowing they drove Berwald crazy.

When Mathias' body was as relaxed and as receptive as it was going to get, Berwald slowly slipped his fingers out, pressing a kiss to the Dane's back when he moaned longingly. He swallowed hard, feeling unbearably impatient himself, but he took more lube and spread it over his cock. He remembered when they had hardly ever used the stuff, but he had to admit, it was nice. Groaning as he fucked his own hand for a moment, he bit his lip and admired the man beneath him. It was so tempting to just stroke himself off like that; Mathias made such a pretty picture, panting on all fours like he was.

"Come on Ber, don't make me beg," he pleaded, urging him to hurry.

The Swede cursed quietly, but complied.

He spread Mathias' legs wider with his thighs, admiring his shapely ass. He couldn't resist; he squeezed it hard, but not with the hand that was still covered in lube. He curved that hand underneath Mathias and grasped his dick, giving it a few short strokes. The Dane's body jerked, Berwald able to see the muscles in his back spasming slightly as he thrust his hips forward into his slick hand. It felt so good to touch him like this again; he had begun to wonder if they would ever come together intimately again. He was pleasantly surprised, to say the least.

He let the Dane thrust forward, but then as he began to pull back, Berwald held his hips forward, and forced Mathias to slide himself back onto his cock. The hand that had been on his ass quickly moved to his left hip, grasping it firmly as Mathias took all of him in one, smooth motion. His body quivered as Mathias' firm ass rested in the curve of his hips.

It felt so good. Too good. If Mathias moved again, he swore, he would come. He wouldn't be able to stop himself. A low groan escaped his lips, along with another set of curses.

Mathias whined, attempting to continue moving, but Berwald intended to hold him still until he regained some control over himself.

No, if they were going to do this, it wouldn't be over so quickly. He wanted to fuck until the sun rose, and Mathias was in no position to deny him this desire.

After a few deep breaths, he eased his grip on Mathias' sharp, lean hip. The Dane immediately began to rock himself slowly, thrusting into Berwald's offered hand then shoving himself back onto his impossibly stiff cock. For a moment, it was almost impossible to believe this was anything more than a wet dream. There was something so sinfully pleasurable about holding him like that though; his body securely between his hands and his hips, allowing Berwald to feel every effect his touch had on the Dane submitting beneath him.

Unable to let it continue without having his orgasm practically forced out of him without his own involvement, however, Berwald released Mathias' length and bent over him, holding his hands down to the bed, before thrusting into him suddenly and violently. Once. Twice. A quick rhythm was established, but it wasn't steady. His hips jerked forward sporadically, his nerves being jolted by such extreme pleasure with every thrust. Mathias cried out eagerly as he ducked his head, muttering curses, praises, everything he knew would encourage the Swede.

It all felt so unbelievably _good_ and as he slid almost all the way back out and then sheathed himself again entirely in a single thrust, Berwald heard himself cry out. He ducked his head a little in embarrassment, but then he felt Mathias push himself back against him a little harder and he cried out even louder than Berwald had.

" _Fuck!_ " his whole body shuttered with pleasure. "There!"

Berwald immediately rose back up on his knees, grasping Mathias' strong hips with both hands, holding on tightly as he rocked himself back, and then thrust forward sharply. He earned another loud cry of pleasure, which made his erection ache even as he was fully inside of him. It became his goal to make him shout like that with every thrust. He held on impossibly tighter as he began to thrust into him faster and harder, listening to the sounds of skin slapping against skin and the short gasps and loud moans slipping from between the Danes' supple lips. He was _so_ tight though, tighter than even Tino. He hadn't remembered it being like this. Even if he wanted to now, he couldn't stop. Each time he pulled out he almost groaned with longing to be thrust back in, and the friction was so intense that he though the heat between them might melt him before this was over, which wouldn't be long now.

"Ber, I'm s-so close!" Mathias moaned lewdly, and all Berwald could do was groan as he was all but consumed by the passionate heat and the friction.

He was close now too, so close, teetering on the brink of coming completely undone while biting his lip hard enough to bleed. So much for wanting to fuck all night, but it was just too much to resist. Yet, to his horror, he became aware that he couldn't finish. He wanted to, oh god, he wanted to so badly, but he was held there right at the edge by something unknown. He knew he needed something, something that would let him end this, but he didn't know what it was…

"Mat," he growled between hard breaths; he needed something from the Dane, he just wasn't sure what, his mind was clouded and numbed by the pleasure, leaving him unable to think of anything beyond Mathias' lascivious body.

"I love you, Ber." Mathias told him suddenly and without preamble.

He knew what Berwald needed; he had always known.

As soon as those words reached his ears, he quickly grasped Mathias' cock and stroked him with lust-driven fervency. It only took a few motions of his hand before those already tight muscles constricted around him, and with a single, deep thrust, their orgasms washed over them in blessed unison. Berwald felt wave after wave of unbelievably sharp, overwhelming pleasure rock his body, and felt a weak shutter sap the rest of his strength when he felt Mathias' hot cum dripping down his knuckles.

"Oh god," he moaned softly, able to feel the way Mathias' body trembled as he slid out.

His body felt entirely light at first, but as he drew in deep, ragged breaths to ground himself, he then felt the exhaustion in his muscles dragging him down hard, his body deliciously spent. They collapsed beside each other, a tangle of arms and legs as they curled up together while Berwald struggled to throw the blanket over them. Their mouths were still hot and aching for each other, but the rush was gone now, and they enjoyed the afterglow together with lazier kisses and heavy, satisfied breaths. As they scooted even closer, Mathias found his familiar place beneath Berwald's chin, and pressed more loving kisses against his skin.

After a short moment of relaxing against each other, Berwald touched the Dane's cheek, unable to look into his eyes.

"Mat?"

"Yeah?"

"…Did you mean it?"

"Of course I did. I love you." he said again and then took a breath and pressed his body closer to his chest. "I've tried forgetting you, forgetting us, but, I can't. You're the only one for me. I'm sorry…"

The tall Swede was silent while he had to compose himself, but able to feel tension creeping back into Mathias' body, he swallowed.

"…I love you too, Mat. I don't know what we're going to do, but, I still love you." he confessed.

That was it. He laid himself bare. If the Dane was just playing with him, now would be the time to strike. He was completely vulnerable while those old feelings now resurfaced.

But, Mathias' arms tightened around Berwald, squeezing him and smothering him in eager, relieved kisses. He rambled on about how he was sorry, and that he didn't mean to hurt him, but he just loved him so much, and he was so happy to hear him say that, and after a bit Berwald covered his big mouth with his own lips.

"Mat?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

He laughed in his good-humored manner, but then sighed contently and snuggled up close to him once again.

"Alright. For you."

Berwald smiled, kissing the top of his head once more before sleep began to call to him, relaxing his tired muscles even further.

"Goodnight Ber, I love you." he whispered.

" _God natt, älskling._ " he muttered back, and held his Danish love to his chest for the rest of the night.

He had no idea what would come of this, or what they were going to do, but for a moment it was just them, and somehow Berwald was able to fall asleep to the soft breathing of the man in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Berwald and Mathias had awoken together slowly, and after a few quiet words, Mathias got up to make them breakfast and told the Swede he could use his shower to get ready in the meantime. Berwald showered and redressed after having to search for his clothes around the bedroom, but the entire time he felt as though he was waiting for reality to hit him.

But, it never really did.

He expected it all to come crashing down on him, and so to be crushed under the weight of unbearable guilt and shame. Instead, the slow realization seemed to wash over him slowly as he redressed. Yes, he cheated on Tino. With a previous lover. With Mathias. He had done it willingly, knowing full well that it was a violation of his marriage. Knowing that he would have to tell Tino. And yet,…it had still been some of the best sex he'd ever had.

The guilt was still there, deep in his stomach, and he wasn't really sure what he was going to do, but, he didn't exactly regret what he had done. He adored Tino, truly, and he couldn't deny that he loved him, but Mathias had left too big of a hole in his heart for Tino to be able to fill. He needed the Dane back. He just wasn't sure how that would be possible…

When he entered the kitchen, Mathias turned around and beamed at him. That wide grin was bright enough to blind him, and it lifted his spirits considerably.

Mathias had put boxers on, but his hair was still messy and wild, and the way he then held up the spatula to wave at him was so endearing that Berwald thought his heart was going to burst. He walked over quickly, yanking the Dane into his arms and kissed him as strongly as he liked. Mathias could take it...could take Berwald as he was.

"Good morning," Mathias grinned at him after they kissed, those bright blue eyes sparkling.

Berwald smiled back, holding him from behind as the Dane turned back to the stove, letting his arms loop around his waist. "Morning,"

Mathias hummed a light tune while he finished breakfast for them, and they took their meal together at the table. His lover stared at him dreamily while they ate, forcing Berwald to blush and look away.

"You're so handsome," he sighed at him and when the Swede still refused to look at him, he reached forward and rubbed his cheek with a soft chuckle. "You've got stubble,"

Tino didn't like his stubble very much, though oftentimes the thought of having to go shave made him groan.

He glanced up at Mathias, and felt himself smile a bit when the stupid Dane continued to stare at him like that. Like he was in love.

He had stubble, too, Berwald observed, though he doubted Mathias cared at the moment. He couldn't hold eye contact with him for long, though, and looked away again, prompting Mathias to laugh charmingly.

After they had eaten, Berwald helped him clean up. While they stood side by side at the sink, Mathias swallowed as the mood finally sunk low, along with the cold pit in Berwald's stomach.

"So," he shifted a bit beside him. "What are we going to do?"

He was quiet for a moment, but then spoke without pausing. "I have to tell Tino,"

Mathias stiffened predictably. "I'm sorry, Ber. I…I really am."

Berwald slowly reached over and took his hand, though he couldn't look at him right away. "I'm not."

That was the truth. He knew what he had done, and he had known before he had decided to do it. The guilt lost most of its power on him now, though he still had to swallow hard and fight to get himself to look up to see what Mathias might be thinking. When they did finally look at each other, he saw that Mathias' eyes were wide with surprise.

"This isn't going to be easy," he said in a low, serious tone when the Dane said nothing. "I need to consider my son in all of this, but…I'm not sorry."

Mathias nodded to him in solemn understanding, which he appreciated, and then he leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Ber."

He turned his head and managed to get a kiss on the lips before they pulled back.

The day had hardly stared and he was eager to see it end. Even if that meant somewhere in the middle his life as he knew it would come crashing down around him.

Berwald drew a deep breath as he turned and began walking away. He went to the front room and grabbed his keys, but then stared at them for a moment before he frowned.

"We left your car," he called back to the kitchen.

"What?"

"Your car,"

" _What?_ " Mathias yelled.

"Yer car!" he said, louder.

"What about it?"

"Need t'go get it!"

" _What?_ "

Berwald felt that familiar irritation rise inside of him, but when he turned around to holler at Mathias, he saw the man had come to stand right behind him in the doorway, grinning stupidly. Amused with his own antics. Idiot.

Berwald was still annoyed at his stupid jokes, being a good lay wouldn't get Mathias out of _that_ , but couldn't deny the fact he was fighting a smile, too.

"Let's go." Mathias laughed at him.

Berwald just arched his eyebrow, fighting the urge to look Mathias up and down to indicate that he was still in his boxers, aware that it was exactly what he was trying to get him to do.

"Fine, fine!" he sighed exasperatedly as he turned and headed back towards the stairs, but then threw a glance back with a wink. "Come help me get dressed?"

"…Get your ass up the stairs."

* * *

Miles away from both his husband and his own bed, Tino awoke quickly. And instantly felt sick.

" _Paska_ ," he cussed, putting his hand to his mouth as he sat up and watched the blanket fall, revealing his naked chest and torso.

"Good morning to you too," the Baltic nation beside him said dryly, tired of this routine.

Tino looked at Eduard, feelings conflicting inside of him. On one hand, he knew he had cheated on his husband. Again. The thought made him feel weak and upset, but when the younger nation flicked on his glasses and peered up at him with more honest concern, his heart warmed above his sour stomach.

They had been sleeping together for almost six months now. Sometimes he couldn't even believe it himself, but, he loved Eduard. He loved him and all of his little quirks, but it was more than that. He shared something with Eduard on a deeper level, something he had never been able to share with the others. He still considered himself a Nordic nation of course, but he was just different from them. And as for his husband…there seemed to be a level they could just never reach each other on.

Eduard, on the other hand, had been his friend for a very long time, but one day when Berwald was out of town on business and Peter was spending the night with a friend, it just happened. He knew that was hardly a very good story to tell aloud, there was no excuse for his actions, and Eduard had even said he'd understand if Tino never wanted to see him again, but, he didn't feel that way. He didn't want to hurt Berwald, he really didn't, but, he honestly didn't regret his nights with Eduard beyond that.

"Sorry," he mumbled after a moment. "It's just, I'm-"

"Married?" he guessed sarcastically.

"Yeah. That."

"Why can't you just tell him? It's not like he's trying to be involved in your government or anything. And besides, you aren't legally married anyway." he said, a bit snippier since he hadn't had his coffee yet, and since he had to see his lover make a face of such distress.

Tino looked away.

That one actually stung a little. Berwald still wore his ring every day, even to meetings with other nations. The small Finn never wore his on his finger, but out of guilt, wore it on a chain around his neck. He always took it off outside of Eduard's bedroom, at least.

"It's not that simple." he sighed, thinking of their son, and then shook his head after a few seconds. "I need to shower; I'll have to go pick up Peter soon."

The Estonian was silent as Tino got up and headed for the bathroom.

Once engulfed in hot water, his muscles began to relax a bit. Maybe he could tell Berwald. It would break his heart for certain, he would never see it coming, but, it was better than stringing him along, right? It was more honest than sneaking behind his back, especially considering the fact that their son hung in the balance. He didn't want Peter to think of him as a bad person. He really did love Eduard, and if he was honest, perhaps then it would spare their son the pain of a more horrible separation than if he was caught in the act.

He sighed heavily as the door opened and Eduard entered the steamy room.

"Stop doing that," he scolded. "It's depressing."

In spite of everything, Tino smiled and tipped his head back, letting the hot water run over his face without answering.

After hearing the Estonian rustle around for a moment, the shower door opened and a second body joined him.

Tino wiped the water from his eyes and smiled at his lover, who was now without his glasses. He was smart and quick, but he was still younger than the Finnish nation, and with his hair messed up and his glasses missing, he looked absolutely adorable. He would have rolled his eyes if Tino had told him, however.

Instead, he pulled the southernmost nation into his arms, dousing them both in the warm water. They kissed, enjoying the feeling of their heated skin pressing together.

"Have you washed your hair?" Eduard asked, very to the point, while Tino's mind was now mulling over less-than-pure thoughts.

"Yeah, here," he passed him the shampoo, stepping aside to let him soak himself more fully while he took the soap and began washing his body.

They were silent for a few moments, the noise of the shower helping to keep a few heavier thoughts at bay. That was, until he was forced to confront them.

"So, what are you going to do?" the younger man asked, not for the first time.

He sighed again, shaking his head a little. "I don't know,"

"We can't keep doing this, Tino." he said, his voice falling low on a serious tone. "I know I said you guys aren't really married but still…it isn't right,"

"I know," he looked harder at his feet as he washed them, as if expecting the answer to be written on the bottom of his foot. "He's just…not easy to talk to."

"Text him, then. Or send an email. I could help you write it."

"I am _not_ going to email him." he chuckled a little, amused.

There was another few minutes of silence, and when he had finished soaping himself up, he looked over to see Eduard staring at him was a serious expression. Despite how cute he looked without his glasses, Tino felt the weight of his eyes upon him, and after they switched places again so he could rinse off, he nodded.

"…I'll tell him when he gets home tonight."

His voice was so quiet it was almost drowned out by the shower, but Eduard nodded once before stepping in to kiss him beneath the water.

"Thank you Tino. I'll be here for you." he muttered close to his skin.

He kissed him back, but his stomach had turned sour again.

Berwald wouldn't even see it coming…

* * *

Tino picked up Peter from his friend's house, smiling at the European nation standing in the doorway as his son jumped in the car. Dark, worrisome thoughts began to encircle his mind as he drove away, but then Peter began telling him stories about movies they watched and games they played, and he let the ominous thoughts be pushed to the back of his mind. For the moment.

It worked for as long as Peter was talking at least, and the excitable young nation only needed a word or two of encouragement to keep him going. But when they arrived at the house, his stomach twisted in a tight knot and he swallowed with difficulty.

When did this stop feeling like home?

Peter grabbed his overnight bag and hopped out, heading inside without looking back. He would have turned just in time to see that Tino was considering bashing his head on the steering wheel. Why had he agreed to talk to Berwald? He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. He wasn't that type of person. He hated confrontation. Hated it. Especially with the scariest nation on the face of the earth. Even Ivan couldn't be as intimidating as Berwald could.

But, inevitably, Eduard's dorky smile flashed behind his eyes and he sighed. It was enough to get him to will himself out of the car and into the house.

For him.

He was going to do this for him. And it was going to be for the best. Peter didn't deserve to be raised by parents that didn't love each other, and Berwald needed to know the truth. Even if it hurt.

He walked into the kitchen and gulped audibly. It was already three in the afternoon. Berwald could be home at any minute. Right?

He hastily grabbed for his cell phone, checking to see if there were any messages. With a strange sense of relief mixed with annoyance, he found there were no new notifications. That was rather unlike Berwald; he was usually really good about keeping Tino informed of his whereabouts.

Fueled by the terrifying notion that he might be in the car, on his way home, Tino scrambled for something to do that would keep Berwald separated from him until dinner. As if on cue, however, his phone beeped and vibrated in his hand, and he quickly held it up to reveal a message from Berwald.

" _Got to get Mat's car. Be home for dinner_ _._ " he said simply.

Tino sighed in relief. A small part of his mind acknowledged that it was rather odd of Berwald to spend so much time with Mathias, but he didn't care to press it. As far as he was concerned, it was a blessing. He would clean, do the laundry, help Peter with his homework, and then he would cook dinner. He would make something really good tonight. A sort of last supper. And after they had eaten once more as a family, they would go into their bedroom, and they would talk.

His hands trembled as he imagined the scene a thousand times over, a thousand different ways. None of them ended well. Tino chewed his lips as he started cleaning up, trying to hum a tune to keep his mind busy, but he kept faltering. It was no use, there was no way to ease this, and perhaps he deserved this stress, but he was eager to see its end. It would be awful, and painful, and in all probability, today was going to be one of the worst days of his life, but, it would be over, and tomorrow he would be free of the guilt of hiding and sneaking around.

He cleaned for most of the afternoon, but he felt as though he did it in a daze. He seemed to be watching himself move without consciously controlling his body. He cleaned the house and finished the laundry without blinking. All he could think of was what would happen after dinner. What would he say? How would he start?

Tino didn't snap back into himself until Peter sighed and jumped down from the chair. The Finn shook his head, realizing that they had been sitting at the kitchen table with his spelling homework.

"Don't you want help?" he coughed out as Peter scooped up his papers and textbook.

"Um," the cute boy shifted on his feet, tucking the book under his arm and grasping his pencil. "That's okay. I'll finish it in my room."

Tino opened his mouth to say something, but then realized that his son had probably asked for help on a question and had received nothing other than an absent stare from his parent.

He frowned as he watched the young boy head off to his bedroom, but then sighed and decided that it was probably for the best. He just couldn't focus. Couldn't think.

Checking the time, he then stood to begin making dinner. It was a bit early still, but he would go all out tonight, so he could use the extra time. He would make it really good tonight, even if his hands were shaking and his eyes kept going out of focus when he paused. A last dinner together…it would be a good one. He could give them that, at least.

As soon as he set dinner on the table and called for Peter, the front door opened.

It might have just been his imagination, but the room suddenly felt several degrees cooler. Enough to make him shutter, just a bit. He swallowed and tried to focus on finishing setting dinner out, going as far as to straighten the silverware, acting as though he hadn't heard the door.

"Papa!" Peter excitedly called when he arrived on scene and saw the tall Swede entering the room.

He didn't say anything as he grabbed the small boy into a giant hug, but that wasn't unusual for him. He didn't say much of anything, really.

Still, he swallowed hard and tried to force himself to act naturally. Just until dinner was over.

He looked up, using all his strength to finally look at Berwald, and smiled.

"Hello! You're just in time for dinner!" his voice might have trembled a bit, but it still sounded fairly normal.

Berwald nodded with a soft grunt, and set Peter down as both of them came to the table and took their seats. Tino sat too, aware that Berwald was now staring at him.

They were silent for a moment as they began eating, but unable to stand the quiet, Tino glanced at the Swede.

"Was Mathias okay?" he inquired.

Berwald swallowed before nodding again. "He's fine. Jus' drank too much."

"Ah." Tino tilted his head a bit, remembering many times when Mathias would get drunk. "That sounds about right."

"Papa, I had a sleepover last night!" Peter chirped excitedly, saving Tino from scrambling for more conversation.

This immediately caught Berwald's attention. "Oh yeah?"

If nothing else, he knew that Berwald really did love Peter. He had really tried to make them into a little family. But, Tino just couldn't…

"Yeah! We watched the new Avengers movie, and then he had the video game too!" he told him, and then began telling him a thousand details about things Tino had no knowledge of.

He suspected Berwald didn't know any more than he did, but still, the Swede nodded and smiled on cue as though he did. All just to encourage Peter, to make him feel like he was heard. Berwald was a good father. The guilt on his shoulders intensified.

After dinner, Peter ran off to play while Berwald helped him to clean up the dishes. They washed silently for a bit, but it had been quiet for far too long before Tino realized that this was abnormal. Normally, because he couldn't stand the awkward silence, he would chatter on about his day, what he'd done and who he'd talked to, but he had been thinking. Thinking about what would happen to Peter. And now the silence had _really_ become awkward.

"Tino," Berwald said suddenly, almost making him jump as he finished putting away the dry dishes. "You okay?"

"Um," he glanced around, but all he saw was a clean kitchen, and then he took a deep breath and turned to look at him. "Look, we need to talk. Let's go to our room…there's some stuff I need to tell you."

He had thought about saying those words for so long, and when he finally did, it felt like he was in a dream. The blood rushed from his head, leaving his mouth dry and his ears ringing slightly, but he clung tightly to consciousness. He watched as Berwald frowned a bit in concern, but he said nothing. Only nodded.

Well.

They slowly left the kitchen and went down the hall to their bedroom. Berwald shut the door behind him, and Tino took a moment to look around the room and compose himself. Their bedroom was nicely decorated, filled with their shared belongings, but was mostly occupied by a huge bed, large enough for a man of Berwald's height to lie comfortably on. They had made love on that bed, but that didn't nearly account for the majority of the sex he was having, and, if possible, he felt even guiltier.

When he turned back to face him, however, he blinked in surprise.

Berwald's eyes were suddenly wide and he was holding his hand over his mouth, obviously distraught.

In something of a slight panic, he gasped. He hadn't even said anything yet, what had happened?

"What's the matter?" he asked quickly, his voice raised in alarm.

"I need to tell you something too..."


	4. Chapter 4

Mathias threw open the front door and stepped lightly over the threshold. After showing up to work late, he'd had to run by his boss and get some extra work done, but he had still finished almost two hours earlier than expected. When he was questioned as to why he was so happy and energetic, he hadn't really known what to say, so he just grinned and laughed. Eventually, he did admit to finally getting laid, and a few people clapped him on the shoulder and grinned back at him. There were a few questions after that, mainly 'what's her name?', but he was able to laugh and shrug most of them off without giving anything away. Weaseling out of questions was something of natural talent of his.

_What was her name?_

He scoffed a little as he shut the front door behind him and wandered into the kitchen. Then, just to amuse himself, he tried to imagine what their faces would look like if he had told them who it was. That it hadn't been with a woman, but rather, the nation of Sweden himself. His boss probably wouldn't have been surprised.

Mathias grinned and sighed before glancing at the clock. It was still fairly early in the evening, and although he had arrived late and returned home early, he felt he'd had a very successful day.

He had anticipated that today would be horrible, having spent the night before lying awake and alone in his bed, aching for someone he couldn't have. And yet, against all odds and against all sense and reason, he had somehow won Berwald back. Won him away from his family. From Tino.

But, with a bitter breath he was able to push aside the guilt with the knowledge that Tino didn't feel the same way the Swede did towards him, even if he had agreed to marry him. It was clear to everyone, not just the Nordics, that Tino was terrified of Berwald. The Swede was just so blinded by his affection for the young Finn that he was apparently the only one who didn't realize that the feelings were not mutual. That didn't necessarily mean that this whole thing would go over easy with Tino, but, Mathias felt he wasn't entirely in the wrong on this one.

And not entirely wrong was good enough for him.

He grabbed a beer and tried to head towards the couch, but before he could stop himself, he was already on his way upstairs. Right now there was only one place in his entire house that he wanted to be, and he had been thinking about it all day.

His bed was messy and unmade and he flopped down on it eagerly. All at once, as his weight was accepted by the mattress, Berwald's scent flooded over him. He tried to just lie there and enjoy it, but eventually he abandoned his beer on the nightstand in favor of gathering up the loose blankets and burying his face in them. It had been so long since his sheets had carried the Swede's scent, and, god, it still drove him as crazy as ever. He already missed his Swedish lover, but he couldn't honestly tell if this helped or made it worse.

Probably both.

He sighed into the sheets.

The scent brought back flashes of the night before, but also of that morning. After breakfast Mathias had managed to drag Berwald upstairs once more before they went to get his car, which they had forsaken in the bar parking lot. Mathias had let Berwald press him against the wall and kiss him until he was breathless before they stripped down again just as they had the night before; hastily and without much ritual to it. However, instead of pushing him down on the bed this time, Berwald had grabbed him tightly by the hips and sat down, yanking Mathias onto his lap.

The Dane inhaled deeply again; the intoxicating smell allowing him to continue re-experiencing his memories. It was such a deeply exciting feeling to have Berwald as his own again. To know that he could say what he desired to him, and that he could touch and taste him again the way he used to. The way he yearned to. And to hear from his own mouth that his Swede had missed him and still desired him too, was overwhelming to say the least.

He moaned aloud as he relived Berwald's possessive hands running across his body while he fantasized about the way his hot mouth marked his shoulders with small claims. He'd bite him hard, almost until Mathias wanted to cry out, then he'd release the abused patch of flesh and lavish it with attention from his tongue and lips. Soft kisses and soothing licks before he suckled the skin to ensure a dark mark, sending sharp bolt of pleasure down Mathias' body, causing a sensual heat to blossom between his thighs.

Just at the memory, Mathias felt himself getting hard all over again. But that, combined with the overpowering smell that was now practically drowning him, proved to be too much to resist and the Dane eventually found that he just couldn't help himself; one of his hands moved to slip beneath the collar of his shirt to touch the marks his lover had given him, while the other moved southward to stroke himself through his pants.

Mathias touched himself possessively, striving to mimic Berwald's hands. Those large, strong, calloused hands…

He groaned into the blanket before both hands ultimately moved to undo his pants, which had become incredibly uncomfortable. He drew out his stiff cock, gripping it tightly and stroking himself slowly. Or, at least, trying to stroke slowly.

Berwald never let him finish quickly, and he loved the delicious torture, though he could rarely inflict it upon himself. He just didn't have that much control.

He threw his head back, taking in another deep breath and letting the intoxicating musk stoke the fire in his veins. Mathias then licked his lips before his mouth fell open with a gasp as he recalled the way his Swedish lover had gone down on him that morning.

Berwald wasn't much one for chatting, and everyone knew of how quiet he could be, but it was Mathias who knew that he could do far better things with his mouth than talk. And just to look at him, Berwald appeared to be such a shy, modest guy, which made it all the more exciting to the Dane; he was one of the few people who knew what that modest mouth could really do.

His toes curled in his shoes and his cock throbbed hotly in his hands as he called to mind the way the Swede had licked and sucked on him with such blatant vulgarity. He could be so obscene and so naughty when they were in private. Thinking back to his earlier thoughts on telling the others that he had gotten laid by Berwald, he realized that people might not believe him even if he were to tell them.

That sneaky, sexy Swede.

His back began to arch as he stroked himself off faster. He really didn't have very much self-control with these kinds of things at all.

Suddenly, Mathias' phone rang loudly in his pocket and he jerked in surprise.

Grabbing at it as he tried to unbury himself, he growled in irritation at the interruption.

When he was able to peek out from beneath the blankets, however, he grinned in spite of his frustration. It was Lukas.

"Hiya Luke!" he answered excitedly, trying to ignore the state he was in.

There was no immediate answer.

"Luke?" he asked, sitting up a bit with concern.

" _Hey Mat. Are you still at work?_ "

"Nah, I'm home early. Is everything okay?"

" _Yeah. What are you doing?_ "

"Nothing right now," he told him, looking up at the ceiling innocently.

He did want to be on call for Berwald later, in case things got crazy when he talked to Tino, but until then, the suspense would eat him alive if he had nothing to do.

" _Good, I'm coming over._ " Mathias could faintly detect a tone of relief, and grinned.

"Aw, did you miss me last night after all?" he teased.

" _Make dinner, I'm bringing beer._ " He ordered before the line went dead.

Mathias laughed anyway, setting his phone down beside him on the bed. He took another deep breath, having to close his eyes for a moment as the intoxicating smell flooded his senses again, temporarily distracting him. Still, he grumbled and managed to stand up, pulling his pants back on with reluctance.

Blue balls. Perfect.

He sighed exasperatedly at the bed behind him before shaking himself a little then heading back downstairs with his beer. The Dane hummed a light tune to himself as he slid into the kitchen and began fussing around, looking for something to cook.

He hadn't actually seen Lukas in a while, let alone had him over for dinner. He was always fussing about with the youngest of their little group, Emil. The Icelander was a bit angsty still, but Lukas doted over him much the same as he always had. Lukas wanted to be a good older brother to Emil, but as the world changed around them, Mathias knew it wasn't easy for the Norwegian to always be there for the younger boy like he had before. Thus, it seemed like whenever he had free time, Lukas desired to spend it with Emil, even if the feeling wasn't always mutual.

Still, it made Mathias happy to know that Lukas could still call on him to spend time together, and it was probably good for Emil to have time away from the other Nordic countries anyway.

* * *

A little while later, he heard a sharp knock from around the corner and Mathias immediately dropped what he was doing and trotted over to the front door. Upon flinging it opened, he beheld a hatted Norwegian carrying a bag in each hand.

"Luke!" he called excitedly and yanked him in for a tight hug.

He didn't pull away, but he scoffed and when released, Lukas walked right passed him and into the kitchen.

Mathias grinned and shut the door before following him.

"What'd ya bring?" he poked at him curiously while he resumed finishing up dinner.

"Don't worry about it."

The Dane grinned brightly. He had missed the Norwegian. They were so close together geographically, but sometimes he felt like he was so far away. He missed his sense of humor, too. No one could joke as dryly as Lukas.

He checked on their dinner while Lukas set the bags down on the kitchen table behind him. It felt good just to have the short blond around him again. Leaving the food to finish on the stove, Mathias turned around and wrapped Lukas up in another tight hug from behind. His chest felt warm and his head felt a little light, as if he had already been drinking.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lukas demanded as he was interrupted trying to pull beer and desert out of the bags.

"Ooh," he cooed at the sweets, and then squeezed him tighter. "What? I can't have missed you?"

"Psh," he huffed, but eventually lifted his arms to awkwardly hug him back. "You act like it's been so long,"

With a sense of sadness, Mathias released him and moved to his side to try to look at the Norwegian. "It _has_ been so long."

Lukas paused.

"I know."

They were quiet for a moment while Mathias went back to the stove and shut it off, getting plates and dishing up their dinner. He silently wondered if something had happened with Emil. Maybe they were fighting, and that's why Lukas had come to him instead tonight…

"So, how's Emil?" he tried to ask casually.

"He's fine." He answered immediately.

Mathias looked over his shoulder with a slight frown, and when Lukas saw his concern he just shrugged.

"He's out with a friend,"

Lukas put the rest of the beer in the fridge and Mathias brought the plates over to the dining table.

"So I'm your second choice, am I?" Mathias teased him.

He just rolled his eyes, but then the Dane walked closer and turned him by his shoulder before hugging him for a third time in a fit of sentimentalism and desire to comfort Lukas, whether he was actually upset or not.

"You're a good big brother, you know." He told him.

It was the truth. Though the Dane was older, and had always tried to be the one to take care of everyone else, no one cared for Emil the way Lukas did. He was always watching out for him, always gauging the way he was feeling though he spoke only a little, and even though he teased him, he genuinely wanted to make sure the Icelander was happy.

"Shut up," he mumbled into his shoulder, gripping him tightly. "Don't say stupid things like that."

Still, they hugged for a minute longer until Lukas finally pushed him away.

"Sit down," he ordered. "I'm hungry."

Mathias laughed loudly in order to help shrug off the heavy mood, but they sat down to dinner together for the first time in what could have been years. It really did feel good to see him again.

And yet, he couldn't help but begin to notice a strange churning feeling in his stomach whenever he looked up and was met with those dull, purple eyes...

* * *

_"What's the matter?"_

_"I need to tell you something too,"_

That jolted Tino harshly. In a thousand scenarios, he hadn't ever imagined Berwald would have something to say as well.

One part concerned, one part curious, Tino tilted his head and took a step closer.

"You can tell me," he told him timidly, ready to accept any reason to postpone his confession. "What is it?"

"Tino, I," he looked down at the floor, a rarity for him. "I don't know how to tell you this, but, last night, Mat and I…"

Berwald trailed off, leaving Tino to connect the obvious dots.

His mouth dropped open a bit. Mathias and Berwald…?

Tino was so surprised that for a while he just stared at him as the taller man stared at the floor.

In a way, it hurt to see Berwald look so upset about cheating on him once, when he was about to admit that he had been doing it for months. Tino took a deep breath, knowing that if he didn't do it now, he never would.

This really hadn't been so much a delay as, say, a perfect lead-in to what he was going to confess.

"Ber, look…I," it was his turn to look away when Berwald's eyes returned from the floor. "I cheated too."

Maybe it was the use of the word, or the fact that the Swede really hadn't seen in coming, but Berwald appeared so shocked that he fell back a step.

"What?" he choked out.

Tino nodded, crossing his arms and pulling himself tighter under the force of his stare. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, but, I…I've been seeing Eduard…for about six months now,"

Berwald eyes widened, and his mouth fell opened. "You've…?"

"…Yeah."

So there they stood, in the middle of their shared bedroom, absolutely silent while taking in the fact that they had both violated their wedding vows, one quite a bit more than the other, and having no idea how to even begin to deal with it.

After a few moments Tino looked to the bed and then went and sat down, leaving a spot for Berwald, which the Swede took after a while. Then, they both stared at the wall until they were able to speak again.

"For six months?" Berwald asked again meekly, his voice rather raspy.

Tino nodded silently.

"Tino," he muttered and then glanced at him sideways. "Why didn't you tell me?"

The Finn looked up at him and saw pain in his eyes. How long had he thought they had been having a perfect marriage?

He didn't answer him.

"You…you love Eduard," Berwald swallowed slowly, but turned a bit to look at him more directly. "Why didn't you say something?"

His heart began pounding in his chest. "I-I didn't want to hurt you, Ber. I didn't know how to tell you,"

"I just want you to be happy," he told him simply, still looking at him. "Even if it's…not with me."

Tino's little chest wrenched hard. Berwald loved him that much. Enough to let him go. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he covered his mouth.

"Oh god," he cried before he began sobbing as Berwald quickly scooped him up into his arms.

He held him tightly to his warm chest, letting the Finn's small fingers curl into his collar and hair, gripping him tightly as he cried. There was so much pain and relief mixing together inside of him all at once. Berwald would let him go, he wouldn't fight or argue or be angry with him. All just so Tino could be happy...

"I'm so, so sorry," he found himself wailing into Berwald's shirt as he held him. "I didn't-…I mean, I never wanted it to be like this,"

Berwald hushed him softly, muttering kind things into his hair before absently pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Then his back stiffened, and he pulled back a bit.

They looked at each other as they both fell completely still. It wouldn't be like that between them anymore. No more kisses or touches as lovers…as spouses.

Thus, that should have been it.

He should have nodded and pulled away silently to collect himself while they figured out what they were going to do. It should have been the part where they really split from each other.

But, Tino fucked it up.

Berwald looked at him with such a sad questioning in his eyes, like he really was really ready to accept whatever Tino decided. He knew he was. That's why it was so hard not to just lean into him again, into those strong arms.

Too hard, as he found out. And he just gave in.

He moved closer to him again, tilting his head back and parting his lips in a silent plea. Berwald didn't hesitate before he took him into his arms again, cupping his face and looking down into his teary eyes. He appeared to be struggling with himself for a moment before he too gave in, bowing his head in surrender, and kissed him deeply.

Tino immediately reached up and grasped his hair, tangling his fingers in it and pulling him down to kiss him deeper.

God, he shouldn't have done that, but now that he had, he couldn't stop.

Berwald was still his husband after all, and it wasn't like they never kissed or made love, but it wasn't nearly enough. Tino knew it; that's probably why he had slept with Mathias. That thought now actually made him surprisingly jealous. It wasn't fair, or rational, but he kissed him harder, tempting his Swede. He opened his mouth for him, leaning back into his tight grip, offering himself up to his spouse.

One last time, he told himself. He'd make it count, though.

Berwald's body responded powerfully to his actions, and when Tino moaned lewdly as he felt Berwald's tongue possessively feeling out his mouth, the taller man seemed to be unable to resist. He rose up, grasping Tino's body in his arms, and practically tackled him further up on the bed.

Tino's eyes widened as he was pinned down on his back, his arms held on either side of his head.

Berwald now stared down at him, completely unreadable.

Normally, he would be petrified with fear, but somehow the fear seemed to fall right passed him, and he smiled instead.

"What are you thinking about?" he cooed teasingly with a new courage that made Tino feel nearly unrecognizable to himself.

Berwald bent down next to his ear, his warm breath making him shutter. "I'm thinkin' about what I'm gonna do to you."

Tino gulped, his pulse skyrocketing. It was enough to jolt him into realizing that Berwald thought this might fix everything between them, but before he could even ask, Berwald read his face and shook his head.

"Last night together," that seemed difficult to say, but then his voice lowered. "We should make it count."

"I was thinking the exact same thing," Tino whispered honestly, and brought his husband down for another deep kiss.

His mouth wasn't like Eduard's; it was possessive and strong, and he kissed of him so hungrily he was afraid Berwald might really try to bite him. That kind of fear excited him now though, and his blood began to race harder in his veins.

It had never been like this between them, never so hot and passionate. He hadn't even known Berwald was capable of this kind of intensity.

"I'm going to undress you."

Before Tino could respond, he was blinded by his shirt being yanked over his head, tossed carelessly somewhere on the floor, and then his pants quickly came undone. He hurriedly began kicking off his shoes, getting the left one off just in time for Berwald to strip him down to nothing but his socks. And then nothing at all.

The tall Swede had to get off the bed to undress, he was just too tall, but he stared at Tino the entire time he shed his own clothing. Though, he did so in a different manner entirely. He lazily removed his tie, and slid his belt off his pants slowly. Too slowly.

Tino's eyes widened and then he frowned as he realized that Berwald was teasing him.

He had never teased him before, ever. Their lovemaking had always been so much more subtle. Usually with the lights off and the blankets tugged up over their legs. Now, Tino's naked body was lying completely exposed on the bed, his pale skin shivering with excitement. And Berwald looked his fill. Those sea-colored eyes raked him up and down intensely, following the curves of his body purposefully, almost as though he was trying to memorize him.

That last thought made his stomach turn a bit, and as the guilt began to return, Tino frowned harder.

"Stop teasing me," he tried to make it sound like an order, but his voice instead came out sounding impatient, filled to the brim with need.

Berwald's eyes sparkled in a playful way as he finally threw his shirt onto the floor.

He now stood before the bed, his broad chest and shoulders seeming to glow slightly in the soft light. Tino stared in awe at his husband; it was like he was seeing him for the first time. Berwald was tall, but not disproportionately so, which gave him an extensive, well-sculpted torso as well as long, powerful legs. Constant physical labor rewarded him with his intense, bulging muscles, and as Tino looked him over, he swallowed hard when his eyes fell down the deliciously defined muscles of his chest and abdomen.

...Had his husband always been this hot?

As his eyes continued to move down the Swedish body before him, he saw his dark slacks bulging obviously over his crotch and blushed. Berwald's hands moved to remove them as he easily slid his feet out of his shoes, and Tino caught his husband smirking. The Finn's cheeks were burning with shyness, and he nearly ducked his head to look away, but that smirk on Berwald's lips coaxed out a hidden aggression within him, and he refused to avert his eyes.

Berwald let his pants fall to the ground before stepping out of them, revealing his already mostly-hard cock. It stood proud, though it wasn't yet fully erect, blushing a deeply erotic color. As his husband moved towards the bed, he felt his own cock twitch excitedly. They had never made love like this; the tension in the room was nearly deadly with its intensity, just waiting for something to snap.

The Swede reached the bed and Tino felt it dip low as it accepted his weight. He was moving so slowly, but Tino could see those muscles now, and it seemed like his whole body was wound up, ready to pounce on him like a predator. The Finnish prey held his breath as Berwald removed his glasses and set them on the nightstand with unnerving leisureliness before those intense eyes pinned him down again.

Tino quickly sat up a bit, and scooted back towards the pillows, his heart quickening with adrenaline and fear, but also excitement. Even if he was still confused about what he was feeling in his head and his heart, his body's message was clear; he was incredibly aroused.

Berwald caught the Finn by his ankle and dragged him closer so he was towering over him, Tino's thighs having forcefully been parted to surround his husband's knees. Those large, Swedish hands came to rest on either side of his head, bringing them face to face, but still at arm's length. Just waiting for something to break that lethal tension.

The smaller man held his breath for a moment in silent prayer before let his newfound courage swell in his chest. Then, while holding Berwald's passionate gaze, he slowly spread his legs farther apart for him. The action seemed to interest his husband, but he only moved one hand to lazily stroke the insides of his soft thighs. Though his motions sent electricity shooting through his body, it did not break the atmosphere as Tino had hoped, and he let out a soft noise of frustration.

His husband's eyes against seemed to shine with a hidden sort of playfulness and Tino again tried to glare. It didn't work, and the Swede only seemed more amused, so instead he decided to take a different route entirely.

"Ber," he whined, pouting his lips out and moving his body a little beneath him. "What's the matter? Don't you want me?"

Perhaps he was playing a dangerous game, saying such things, but at the moment, it was hard to consider any long-term consequences.

Besides, it was hard to think about things like that when his actions were successful, and the tension practically sizzling in the room finally snapped. It broke so violently that Tino cried out as soon as Berwald's body moved against his.

A large, warm hand clamped down over his mouth, and he immediately remembered that they weren't exactly alone in the house. It was late, but Tino's screaming could wake even the deepest sleepers if he wasn't careful.

"Keep quiet," Berwald ordered close to his ear before his lips touched the sensitive skin there, and began a trail of possessive kissed down his neck to his chest.

Tino nodded distantly, already overwhelmed with pleasure and heat from the passionate kisses.

_It's our last time,_ Tino kept repeating over and over to himself.

Just one last time…


	5. Chapter 5

Mathias and Lukas eventually ended up on the couch, leaning close to each other, their faces warm and red as they watched the television in front of them with glazed eyes. He couldn't remember if they were watching a movie about sports, or if the game displayed on the screen was live, but Lukas seemed to be genuinely enjoying it either way, and that was good enough for him.

A goal was scored, and they both shouted way too loudly at the screen, whooping and cheering along with the crowd in a fit of excitement. Mathias threw up his arms haphazardly, but Lukas actually leapt to his feet to cheer.

He laughed when Lukas hollered and threw a fist up in the air.

It was always a lot of fun to see Lukas get so excited, but nowadays it was rare event, even when they were drinking. He really wasn't as reserved as he appeared, he just didn't care to get worked up over very much.

"Whoa," he heard him mutter dizzily.

Mathias quickly reached out and grasped the back of Lukas' shirt, then yanked him down so he wouldn't fall on his face. The Norwegian wobbled before tipping over backwards, but Mathias had pulled him too hard, and he collapsed heavily onto the Dane.

"Ow!" Mathias yowled dramatically when he felt that sharp, awkwardly familiar elbow land in his gut. "Luke!"

Lukas only made a few unintelligible sounds, squirming like he was trying to get comfortable directly on top of him.

The Dane laughed, even with the weight on him becoming painful in some places, and wrapped his arms tightly around Lukas. He squeezed him, the game on the television now completely forgotten in front of him.

"'M glad you're here," he hiccupped, nuzzling Lukas' back with his entire face.

"Wha'?" Lukas asked, his head tipping and falling back against his shoulder as he stared up at the ceiling.

"'M glad," he sighed, closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the room spin.

Lukas didn't respond right away, but after a minute he yawned hugely. "I'm not sleeping on your couch,"

Mathias grinned. "Wasn't gonna ask you to,"

"Damn right," he grumbled, pushing himself off of the Dane and struggling to get to his feet.

He took in a full breath when Lukas' weight was removed, but he found he missed it almost immediately, and forced himself to his feet as well.

The next little while was a blur in Mathias' mind, but they somehow managed to make it upstairs to the bedroom without their shoes, and collapsed in a heap on the bed.

"Mat?" Lukas' voice called from somewhere beside him.

"Yeah?"

He paused before speaking. "I love you."

Mathias tried to raise his head to look at him, but it felt like it weighed much more than normal, so he just searched around in the mess of blankets and sheets until he found Lukas' hand, and held it tightly.

"I love ya too, Luke." He sighed as sleep began to pull him downwards into unconsciousness. "Nev'r stopped."

Just before he gave in, however, he caught a faint scent on the air and realized that there was a strange knot in his stomach. Something just didn't feel quite right, though he couldn't figure out what it might have been.

Oh well. He would figure it out tomorrow.

* * *

Tino awoke slowly, feeling completely at peace. The bed that cradled his body was warm, the air that lightly brushed over his face was cool, and everything felt so still and tranquil. He was aware that there were thoughts in his mind that were eager to come bursting in and ruin this peaceful moment, but he held them at bay for a little longer.

He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this calm and relaxed. It was absolutely wonderful.

Eventually, however, his pressing thoughts could no longer be denied, and with a reluctant sigh, he awoke enough to receive them. They flooded his mind in a tidal wave of emotion and confusion and guilt, obliterating his moment of peace completely.

Fuck.

What had he done?

The night before, he had meant to finally tell Berwald about Eduard. And he did. It was just the part that happened afterwards that he hadn't counted on.

He wanted to hit himself over the head. What kind of stupid thing was that to do? They were supposed to be getting ready to split up, to divorce. For some reason, that word still made his stomach flip and his throat feel cold.

As Tino awoke further, he became aware of a large, Swedish arm that was wrapped protectively around him. He risked a glance at the man in bed beside him, and saw that Berwald was still sound asleep. He looked much less scary like this, Tino thought. Kind of sweet, even. The Finn took a moment to study his features, something he didn't have the nerve to do when Berwald was awake, and was pleasantly surprised with what he saw. The Swede had a defined brow, but when he was relaxed it seemed to smoothen out, giving him a much more innocent appearance. His lips were parted slightly, as opposed to the thin line they were always pressed into when he was awake, making him seem much more human to him then. Those lips were surprisingly soft for how firm they looked.

He briefly thought about kissing his sleeping husband's lips, but then he thought of Eduard, and pulled back until Berwald's arm slipped off of him.

They shouldn't have touched each other like that ever again. Tino held his head in his hands. Why did he do that? Now he would have to tell Eduard what he had done, though he wouldn't be able to tell him why. In his mind, he could already see the sadness in his lover's eyes.

How had he managed to fuck this situation up even worse?

Suddenly, the figure in bed beside him began to stir. He held his breath.

Berwald sighed a little, sounding content, but after a moment, both of his eyes opened in concern and he looked up at Tino as if asking for confirmation.

Tino covered his mouth and nodded.

Yes. All of it had really happened, as much as he wished it hadn't.

The tall man beside him sat up and grabbed his glasses from the nightstand before he stared silently towards the end of the bed. He looked horrified. Tino guessed that it was probably the appropriate reaction.

They sat in silence for a long while.

He supposed they probably should have been talking to each other, should have tried to get everything figured out before Peter woke up and needed to be taken to school. But, Tino couldn't really bring himself to look at the man beside him, and in a strange way, thought that Berwald might have felt the exact same thing. This painful silence reflected their relationship better up until this point anyway, he thought bitterly.

"What are we going to do?" Berwald asked him, though it didn't sound like him at all.

He had practically whispered it, sounding lost and afraid. Kind of helpless. Tino's little stomach wrenched even harder.

"I don't know," he admitted, but then put a little bit of honest thought into it; he owed Berwald that, at least. "I'll think of a way to tell Peter, but I need to talk to Eduard. You go do what you have to today, and meet me back home for dinner, and we'll figure out what to do from there."

The tall Swede nodded slowly, looking absolutely miserable.

Tino thought about saying something to try to comfort him, but just then he heard Peter getting breakfast noisily in the kitchen, and decided against it. He didn't really have anything to say, anyway.

They parted and stood up on opposite sides of the bed, their backs to each other while Tino went to the dresser to get clothes and Berwald began to head into the bathroom to shower.

"Tino?" he called quietly, stopping in the doorway.

The Finn felt that familiar nervousness creeping back up into his throat, but he coughed a little and answered him. "Yes?"

"…I'm sorry." He told him, not waiting for a reply before he vanished behind the door.

Tino sighed and let his head thump against the dark wood of their dresser. He was the one who was sorry. This was all his fault.

* * *

Lukas was looking down with that same blank, bored expression he always had, but Mathias could see his thoughts racing in his head.

"Uh," Mathias scratched the back of his head, trying to tame his messy hair. "I don't think anything happened,"

He had a terrible headache, and couldn't remember a lot about the night before, but he was certain that he would have remembered it if he had fooled around with Lukas. Fairly certain, anyway.

That didn't exactly explain why they were both naked in his bed, however.

Lukas glanced at him with an eyebrow slightly raised, but didn't say anything more.

Mathias swallowed, feeling awkward.

He really didn't remember very much about last night, but, he still didn't think that anything had happened. They had once had something, sure, but, Lukas had been very clear he had not wanted to continue seeing the Dane. Mathias had accepted that over many long years, and at times he missed his Lukas, but, he wouldn't want to force anything on him that he didn't want. He just felt a little different about Lukas that way.

"Um, well…are you sore?" he asked, trying to put the question delicately, as that would have definitely made it clear what had happened.

Lukas punched him in the arm and Mathias whined.

…Was that a yes or a no?

They lapsed back into silence.

Mathias began to draw in a long breath, but then the bedroom door suddenly swung open, and he nearly used that breath to scream.

It was Berwald.

Everything fell completely silent and still. It was like the entire world froze around them, just to preserve the horrifying awkwardness of this moment.

The Swede's mouth fell open slightly as he read the scene, just enough for his lips to part, then he looked like he was about to turn and leave.

Mathias practically leapt out of bed at that. He had just won Berwald back; he couldn't stand for him to leave again. Not before they had everything figured out.

"Ber, wait!" he shouted much too loudly. "I can explain!"

The tallest blond was staring at him with wide eyes, appearing to be torn between anger and betrayal. He didn't look like he was going to wait, but then Lukas suddenly spoke up.

"It's not what it looks like." He said simply.

The Swede appeared to calm down instantly. Mathias would have gawked at that, but then he remembered that the Norwegian always had seemed to have a way with him.

"What's going on?" he asked, taking a few small steps to bring himself fully into the room.

Mathias turned to Lukas too, who was getting up and picking his clothes up off the ground. His hair was messy and he looked hungover and sick, but somehow he still made it look like all of that was on purpose. Mathias didn't know very many people that could pull of the 'I drank too much last night' look like Lukas could.

That fucking alcoholic.

"We just drank a little together last night," Lukas began explaining as he wiggled back into his pants. "We didn't do anything. We just slept in the same bed."

Berwald looked over to Mathias and he nodded seriously.

"Why are you here so early, anyway?" the Norwegian asked Berwald suspiciously, still looking for his shirt.

Mathias' eyes widened. He hadn't told Lukas about them yet.

They were both silent.

Lukas stopped looking for his shirt and looked between them tensely when he didn't receive an answer.

"Ber?" he asked more seriously, his eyes full of apprehension.

Berwald bowed his head and then simply took Mathias' hand in his and held it.

His heart fluttered a bit at the gesture, but the way Lukas looked between them made him instantly feel ashamed.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he gasped loudly.

Neither of the two taller Nordics could meet his eyes then.

"What about Tino? You're _married_!"

The Swede cringed visibly.

Mathias felt a strange anger coil inside of him, and he opened his mouth before he could stop himself, clutching Berwald's hand tighter.

"Tino doesn't even love him!" that seemed to get everyone's attention, for better or worse. "It's not fair. Marriage is about love,"

Lukas' eyes were cold and harsh. He crossed his arms over his bare chest.

"What about Peter? Are _you_ going to be the one to tell him that his parents are getting divorced?"

Mathias opened his mouth, but he didn't have an answer. He wanted to defend this somehow, but he knew he didn't really have a case. He knew Berwald deserved better than him, and he knew he had fucked up the second he had called the Swede to meet him for drinks, but, he just couldn't stop and let things go. He loved him.

"Yes. We're going to tell Peter." Berwald suddenly answered, catching both of them off-guard. "I talked to Tino last night."

There was a moment of silent disbelief, and then he spoke again.

"Tino…has been seeing someone else." He looked down quietly. "He told me last night."

Even Lukas couldn't hide the surprise that spread across his face.

Mathias felt angry then, furious that Tino could do something like that to the gentle Swede. Berwald really loved Tino, even he knew that.

So full of emotion that he thought he was about to burst, Mathias suddenly threw his arms around the Swede regardless of Lukas still being there, and hugged him tightly. He paused, but then Berwald hugged him back, burying his face in his shoulder.

What the hell was going on anymore?

"Shit, I'm so sorry," Lukas mumbled, his hand held up to his mouth like he had been punched.

The tall Swede let out an unintelligible groan of defeat that made Mathias' heart ache with sadness.

A loud, sudden blaring noise from someone's cellphone made all of them jump, and Lukas quickly grabbed his phone off of the nightstand.

"Fuck, I have to go," he looked up as Mathias and Berwald pulled a part, his eyes shining with a strange kind of light. "I'm sorry,"

Berwald just bowed his head a little and moved out of the doorway. Mathias spotted the Norwegian's shirt and fetched it for him. He took it, shrugging it on before putting on his shoes without bothering to do the laces.

Lukas met Mathias' eyes with a look like he was trying to tell him something, but then he just grabbed his belt and hair clip and headed for the door.

"I'll…call you later," he said hesitantly over his shoulder.

"Okay," they both replied.

With that, the short blond disappeared down the hallway, and after a minute, they heard the front door open and shut.

When they were alone, Mathias found it difficult to look up at the man beside him. He looked absolutely wretched.

"Ber, I'm so sorry," he told him quietly, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

Berwald snatched his hand in a surprisingly harsh grip, which made Mathias jerk, but then his grip softened and he pulled it down, holding it more gently.

"Mat, I have to tell you something,"

That phrase really never lost its edge. Mathias suddenly felt like he had swallowed a cold rock.

"…What is it?" he encouraged when Berwald didn't continue after a moment, although he wasn't so sure he really wanted to know what he had to tell him.

"I slept with Tino last night," he muttered.

Mathias was shocked for a second, but then it just turned into confusion.

"Before you told him?"

"No, after,"

"After he told you, too?"

"Yeah,"

"What?" Mathias frowned, having a hard time processing that. "Why?"

He released Mathias' hand to move his glasses and rubbed his face miserably. "God, I don't know! It just…happened."

The Dane was quiet while he tried to sort it all out in his head. He couldn't figure things out as fast as Lukas could.

"So, does that mean you two are, back together?" he ventured to guess, terrified of the answer.

"No, no," Berwald shook his head. "I just…I don't know what it means,"

"Oh," he muttered, but felt the sickness in his stomach actually lessen to a degree.

He took the Swede's hand again and led him to the bed where they sat down beside each other. As they stared at the floor and collected their scattered thoughts, Mathias absently realized that Lukas had taken his socks.

"I'm so sorry,"

Mathias looked up and found himself staring into a pair of beautiful, glistening blue eyes that looked to be on the verge of tears.

The Dane still didn't understand why he would have slept with Tino after hearing his confession, but, he was all too painfully aware of how much Berwald really did love him. And yet, if he looked this miserable, did that mean he loved Mathias just as much?

He didn't have an answer for himself. All he knew was that Berwald had come back to him, even though he didn't have to, and had apologized for sleeping with another. Even if that other was his husband. Mathias could take that for what it was worth.

"It's okay, Ber." He whispered at length. "I'm not mad,"

The Swede then surprised him by getting up.

He felt a jolt of terror at the initial thought that he was about to leave, but then he moved in front of where Mathias sat on the bed, and knelt down. The Dane then smiled endearingly, and removed his glasses for him before Berwald let his head fall into his lap as his strong arms wound around his middle. As the Dane began to run his fingers through the Swede's pale hair, he was able to see the tense muscles in Berwald's back beginning to relax.

Even though he looked like such a menacing, unapproachable guy, Mathias thought, Berwald was really just a big softie.

"I really am sorry about all of this, I didn't mean to cause so much trouble," Mathias admitted as he continued playing with the fair threads of Berwald's flaxen hair.

The tall man that was lying in his lap huffed, but spoke with a nearly undetectable trace of humor in his voice. "I think that's something that just happens to lovers of yours."

"Ber, I'm serious," he whined, feeling that it was important that he apologized thoroughly.

"I know," he told him more seriously and then pressed a kiss to his naked thigh. "But, this isn't entirely your fault, you know."

"Well, then, I'm apologizing for everything that is my fault." He told him, fighting a smile.

"Good." The Swede chuckled, if not wryly, before he tilted his head and peered up at him adorably. "Because I still blame you for a lot."

Mathias tried to scoff, but instead just bent over and began pressing kisses all over his Swede's face.

"I love ya," Berwald muttered quietly as he closed his eyes but accepted the many kisses.

Mathias sighed. He was forgiven, more or less, and he finally had the object of his heart's desires as his own again. That was good enough in his book.

"I love you too, Ber."

His boss was going to chew him out for being this late to work again, though.

* * *

Lukas arrived home and burst through the door less than gracefully. His head was aching still, but that was the least of his worries. He rushed to grab fresh clothes and quickly headed to the bathroom to get ready, but as he stripped down to hop in the shower, he couldn't help noticing himself in the mirror.

His hair was messy and his eyes read murder, but those both paled in comparison to the violently red lines that were drawn down the length of his back. He stared at them until the steam from the shower clouded the mirror, and then he punched the wall.

Lukas didn't think Berwald or Mathias had seen the marks; he had been careful not to turn around until he had put his shirt on, but he still felt like hitting his head against the shower wall was a good idea.

Mathias really didn't appear to have remembered the night before, and in all honesty that was probably for the best, but Lukas remembered it. He had been drunk, but the images of Mathias above him, pinning him down, and suckling dark bruises on the insides of his thighs wouldn't go away. He hadn't meant for any of that to happen, but, he _had_ wanted to talk to Mathias about their own relationship for a while now.

He would never admit it now, but, he missed the Dane.

As his body was doused by the hot water, he felt the familiar sting of the water hitting the scratch marks and bruises, and trembled in spite of himself.

God, he had missed it so much.

Mathias had been his first love, all those ages ago, and he had never really forgotten him the way he pretended to. He had tried to ignore and suppress it by devoting nearly all of his attention to Emil, and by trying to be a good big brother to him. However, now that the Icelandic nation didn't need that kind of care from him anymore, it was becoming harder and harder not to let his thoughts wander back to Mathias.

The Norwegian let his head fall against the cool stone of the shower wall and covered his eyes with his hand.

But, if Berwald was willing to leave Tino to be with him, Lukas wouldn't interfere. He wouldn't compete for him, not if Mathias wanted Berwald that much.

It might kill him, though, he thought heavily. It might just kill him to watch the two of them fall in love all over again.

His head was still pounding, and his stomach felt so queasy that he considered taking a sick day, but then decided that staying home all day, alone with his thoughts, would be far worse than going to work hungover.

Yet, somewhere in the back of his mind, he secretly wished that Mathias would remember what they had done. He wondered if he would miss him too, though the thought gave him little comfort now.

Son of a bitch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Who's cheating on who anymore? I don't even know.  
> Alternative title at this point: "Scandal-navia"


	6. Chapter 6

Tino drove Peter to school, but almost didn't hear him when he said goodbye.

He shook himself, realizing that he was so caught up in his thoughts about the previous night that it was probably dangerous for him to be driving.

The Finn waved to his son and watched him walk up to the school, and then drove away slowly, trying to keep his mind on driving until he got back home.

He did a good job of it for the first few minutes, but soon began drumming on the steering wheel and chewing his lip.

He needed to talk to Eduard. But god, what was he going to tell him? His thoughts were interrupted by flashbacks of the night before, memories that made his entire body shiver to recall, but what did that mean? He had never seen that side of Berwald before, but now that he had, he felt like he had been married to an entirely different person. It made him want to learn his husband all over again.

But, then, what about Eduard? Tino loved him, he truly did, but it felt different now. He wasn't sure how, but he was terrified that last night had changed something in his mind.

Sex tended to do things like that.

Unable to wait until he got home, Tino fished his cellphone out of his pocket and called Eduard. It rang once, and he adjusted the phone so he could hold it with his shoulder as he put both hands on the wheel.

Two rings.

He hissed through his teeth.

" _Hello? Tino?_ "

He sighed in relief.

"It's me," he said and bit his lip again, unable to say anything more.

There was a pause.

" _You didn't call last night. Did you tell him?_ " he finally asked.

He nodded even though Eduard wouldn't be able to tell. "Yeah,"

" _…What happened?_ " he pressed.

Tino hesitated before letting out a steadying breath.

"He," his voice wobbled. "He understood."

" _He did? Really?_ " the Estonian gasped.

Tino swallowed, suddenly deciding that he didn't actually want to talk on the phone after all. "I'll tell you about it soon. I'm on my way over now,"

" _Oh, okay. See you soon,_ "

"See you soon," he mumbled and hung up.

He set the phone down quickly and resumed chewing his lip and drumming on the steering wheel.

His stomach felt sick.

All his brain would offer him was guilt, memories, and cuss words.

And poor Peter, his sweet little boy. He didn't need to be within a million miles of a mess like this, much less in the center of it. It would kill him to know that his son thought less of his father because of this, either of them. They couldn't tell him. But, if they were divorcing—the word stung—then they would have to tell him _something_. Divorces could be so hard on children, even in a situation like theirs, but he would never be able to give up his son. He knew Berwald would give him custody of their child if he asked it of him; it made his stomach sick and sour, but he knew it was true. Berwald would do whatever was best for Peter.

Even if it meant removing himself from the picture.

Tino gasped suddenly, realizing he was next to tears.

He couldn't do that. He didn't know what he was going to do, though. It seemed like he'd had so long to think about it, but he still had no real answer. He didn't want to break up their little family, but, his heart was torn.

And now last night had changed something inside of him.

Now, he wasn't sure his love for Eduard was as equally balanced with his love for his family, as it had been. Before, when he thought of Berwald, he had really just decided that he would never understand most things about the frightening man. But now, all he could think about was their night together. He had seen a completely different person come out of him, a side he had never witnessed before, and despite his best efforts, he found it incredibly enticing.

He wanted this new husband of his; he couldn't lie to himself about that. Physical desire had a way of tricking a heart, though. He wanted both of his lovers, Eduard and Berwald. But, the longer he drove, the harder it became to tell which of them he actually loved the most.

Eduard loved him and accepted him as he was, with all of his flaws and quirks. He knew he was married and had a family apart from him, but in all of their months together, he still had never really pushed Tino to speak to Berwald. Nor taking any action to change their situation, for that matter.

Tino's lips were beginning to feel raw, but he couldn't stop chewing on them.

What if...Eduard didn't want an actual relationship with him? Sure, he had urged him to talk to his husband, but that wasn't exactly followed by an invitation to come live with him afterwards, and they had never once discussed a new marriage between them. They shared a lot in common, their friendship was deep, but, it was beginning to seem like little more than a friendship with sex added in.

With Berwald, he already had the commitment and the structure of a proper relationship. They had simply been lacking the desire and passion that he had since found with Eduard. However, if that passion was beginning to emerge between them now, did that mean that he really did have more with Berwald than he did with Eduard?

He had made a life with his husband; they had a home and a family together. He had always sort of assumed he didn't have those things with his Estonian lover because there had never been an opportunity for it, but realizing now that it had never been brought up or discussed between them, Tino began to wonder if Eduard wanted a deeper relationship with him at all.

A marriage between them would make Eduard a step-father to Peter by default, and the responsibilities came that would be no light matter. Berwald really was a wonderful father and he set the bar high as far as finding a step-father went. Eduard and Tino had never talked about what would happen with Peter.

His eyes widened at the terrifying notion that Eduard might expect him to leave full custody with Berwald.

He couldn't do that.

Tino had never thought of abandoning his son. He had only ever wanted to leave Berwald. And even then, he didn't want to take Peter away from him entirely.

But things felt different now. It was as if some kind of block had been removed from between him and his husband, and Tino found that he didn't feel afraid anymore.

He just didn't know what that meant.

He didn't know what it would mean for any of them.

The small Finn hissed quietly. Sex really did have a funny way of fucking everything up.

* * *

Tino arrived at Eduard's house, his lips now raw and the unsettled thoughts in his mind beginning to unsettle his stomach. He ran up to the door and knocked, briefly glancing down and wondering how mad his lover would be if he threw up in his garden.

The Estonian answered the door quickly and pulled him in without a word of greeting.

Dazed and feeling slightly as though his world was moving in slow motion, Tino looked around and tensed as he was tugged inside. This house had once seemed so familiar to him, but now, he felt almost as though he were a stranger.

Before he could speak, or even really get his bearings, Eduard wrapped his arms around him and hugged Tino tightly.

"I know it must have been hard, so, before you say anything, I just want to say thank you," he muttered into the crook of his neck.

The Finn nodded hesitantly, but hugged him back. He felt like the air had been sucked right out of his lungs.

The hug didn't seem to last long enough, and Eduard pulled back to look at him before he felt he was ready.

"So, he really said that," he rubbed the back of his neck, his sweet face scrunched with concern. "He understood?"

Tino nodded, covering his mouth with his hand. "Yeah, he did."

"Was he mad?"

He shook his head.

"Really?"

Even after all of these years, Eduard never believed Tino that Berwald really didn't get mad very often. He just looked like it.

"He just said he wants me to be happy," he whispered, feeling the tears pricking his eyes again as he continued to keep his hand held over his mouth.

The Estonian stared at him in awe, and then embraced him again, moving his hand away to kiss him. His lips weren't as commanding as Berwald's; they melded to the shape of his, pressing against the hot, swollen areas where he had nearly bitten himself to bleeding.

"Tino, I love you," he spoke lowly, breathing against him.

"I love you too," he was barely able to mumble his response.

He kissed him again, wrapping his arms around him while Tino's arms just hung limply at his side.

The small Finn could feel Eduard's desire now; in the Estonian's mind, the obstacle that had held their love hostage had been finally removed, and he wanted to revel with his lover.

Tino, on the other hand, could only be aware of the sickness in his stomach and the pain in his head. He still felt himself on the verge of tears, regardless of the heated words and breath that came from the one who was beginning to pull him to the bedroom.

He just couldn't bring himself enjoy being with Eduard as he had been for so long. Something had changed within him, and as he looked upon his lover when he was pressed down onto the bed, Tino felt himself gripped with the sickening fear that things might never be as they were.

Perhaps there really was no going back now.

Tino could neither stop nor encourage what was happening, and in the midst of their lovemaking, while concealed by the dimness of the room, he let the tears stream silently from his eyes. He couldn't lie to himself; he was thinking about Berwald. He remembered so clearly the way his large hands had grasped and moved him, his musky smell, and his powerful movements. Tino hated knowing that he was thinking about someone else while he was with the man he supposedly loved the most, but he couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Tino?" Eduard suddenly halted, gasping. "Tino, are you alright?"

He quickly covered his face, holding his breath in an attempt to keep the sobs within himself.

"Are you hurting?" he asked quickly, moving to lie beside him and cradle the small Finn. "Tino?"

He shook his head, but when he heard Eduard begin to whisper his love to him, he simply dissolved.

Tino curled up against the naked body at his side and cried. He wasn't able to speak for a long time, but Eduard just held him, stroking his back and his hair and whispering softly the entire time. It only caused his heart to break further, though.

All he could see behind closed eyes were images of his family, of his husband with Mathias, and of the night prior.

The softer Eduard spoke and the more gently he touched him thus only caused him to cry harder.

Tino felt evil and wrong. He shouldn't have done this. Any of it. He wished he had never gotten involved with anyone, ever, and had instead gone off to live as a hermit somewhere in the mountains.

Would have broken fewer hearts that way.

God, what was he going to do?

* * *

Mathias got off the phone with his boss after earning an earful about being late, again. He hadn't even left his house yet, however. After Berwald had left, he decided that he just needed some time alone.

To think.

His head was pounding, and he took a few pills with a tall glass of water, but he was still surprised by how much he must have drank. Normally, Lukas would get mad enough at him that he would stop drinking before he got too wasted. He could hardly remember anything about the night before though, and it was bothering him intensely.

The Dane walked back into his messy bedroom and stood in the doorway for a minute before he decided he probably really needed to wash his bedding. As he began yanking the sheets off the mattress, however, he felt something cold and wet upon the fabric.

He looked down and realized that the clear, glossy substance smeared on the sheets was lube.

"Ew,"

Mathias made a face and decided he should have washed the sheets sooner. Lukas would have been furious if he had known he hadn't washed the sheets before sleeping in the bed with him. He gathered all of the linens together and balled them up at his feet. As he grasped them to carry them away to the washer, he heard something clack to the floor, and looked down.

It was the bottle of lubricant that he usually kept in his nightstand.

He frowned.

Mathias _knew_ he had put that away after the night he spent with Berwald.

Setting the sheets down on the floor he bent down and picked up the bottle to inspect it closer.

His eyes widened when he realized it was nearly empty.

_Oh fuck—_

He immediately ran into the bathroom, seeing a wide-eyed Dane staring back at him in near-panic. He inspected himself in the mirror, and for a moment his heart began to calm, thinking that perhaps some of the lube had just spilled onto the sheets on accident, but as he turned, he caught sight of the nail marks down his back and froze.

Berwald didn't scratch him…

He had put the lube away after he had left…

And now it had ended up in the bed, almost completely used.

Mathias covered his face and fell back a few steps until he hit into the wall, and then sank to the floor, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. He strained his mind trying to recall any scrap of the events of the previous night, but there was nothing.

God, what had he done?

Lukas must have remembered what had happened last night, and had lied to Berwald to cover for him.

Sweet Lukas. He always put other before himself, even if he didn't do it in obvious ways.

They should have talked about it before Lukas had gone, before Berwald had come. He needed to apologize. But now, it was more than likely too late. Lukas would close himself off to the Dane like he had so many times before, and there would be nothing he could do about it. All the phone calls and voice mails in the world couldn't get Lukas' attention if he didn't want to give it.

He had always been like that though.

Behind closed eyes he saw short flashes of old memories. The Norwegian had always been so beautiful, but at the same time so distant and so cold. They had all lived together one, but no one had been with him for as long as Lukas had. Even when he was angry, even when hated him, he never screamed at him or fought with him the way Berwald would.

Always putting the other's feelings before himself…

In particular, with Emil, but covertly he did it for all of them. He would hide things that would cause them pain if he could, that was why he had lied to them. To Berwald. To him. To protect them.

If Mathias hadn't found the lube, he might never have noticed the marks on his back before they healed, and he would have never understood why Lukas would refuse to talk to him for the next several weeks. Maybe he would have blamed it on drinking too much and upsetting the Norwegian without remembering it, but Mathias felt sick to his stomach to know that Lukas really would have kept this to himself.

Would always suffer in silence if it would safe him from pain.

He bowed his head, his hands falling weakly into his lap.

Alcohol really was the root of all evil.

It hadn't always been so complicated, it seemed. Once, the three of them had been far less concerned with the complications brought on by sex. Mathias sighed, thinking that the consequences hadn't seemed so dire back then. But now, they were far older. There were families involved, and even their own hearts weren't nearly as young or tough as they used to be.

They were too fucking old to play these games.

He let his head fall back against the wall and opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling.

He wished he could take so much of it back, he wished he could go back to the night before and stop himself before it went too far.

Poor Lukas. As tough as he was, it always seemed to be Mathias who hurt him the worst.

Once they really had been in love, but he was young and wild, and the blood in his heart burned far too hot for him to settle down enough to have a stable relationship with Lukas. He _was_ fire, and the warmth that had attracted his Norwegian lover had ended up doing little more than burning him in the end.

Distant memories came to his mind of when Lukas had come to his bed far more readily. Unlike his previous lover, Lukas submitted willingly to him, and allowed himself to be taken with as much force as Mathias desired. He was beautiful and soft, and the Dane easily remembered many nights with the Norwegian that they had spent making love beneath a sky of stars, bathing his pale skin and fair hair in moonlight.

At the memory, Mathias felt his heart flutter a bit, but then he slammed a firm hand over his chest and brought his head forward.

What was he doing?

If Berwald found out about what had happened, it would break his heart for sure. What was left of it after Tino was finished with him, anyway. He couldn't do that. He couldn't breathe a word of this to anyone. Lukas would take it to his grave, he knew he could trust him for that much, but it was his own big mouth that he had to worry about.

Every instinct in his body told him to run to Berwald immediately and confess everything to the Swede, then prostrate himself before him and beg for forgiveness. This was stupid though. He couldn't even remember doing anything with Lukas, and it didn't matter; regardless, he wanted Berwald above all else.

Still, he didn't know if that would be enough to redeem him.

No, Berwald was going through too much as it was to throw this on top of it all. He would keep his mouth shut.

As he got back up to his feet, however, he quietly decided that he would talk to Lukas about it if the Norwegian would let him. He just wanted to apologize, that was all. He owed him that, at least.

* * *

Berwald left Mathias' home and arrived to work late, but, not late enough to attract any attention. His boss wasn't particular strict with him anyway; he knew he would get his work done, and he knew that the shy Swede worked best in seclusion. He was thankful for that; he needed time alone to think and monotonous work gave his mind the perfect space for thinking.

He absorbed the silence of his workspace for a time before the gears in his mind began turning once more.

_Tino._

It made his chest ache, but he still wasn't sure what he was feeling about his husband. He had always loved Tino, always. But, he had to admit it was in a different way than he had loved Mathias. Softer, perhaps. That didn't ease the pain of knowing that Tino had gone to another's bed behind his back, however. In a cruel way, Berwald found himself feeling glad that he had Mathias again. He wasn't sure if he could have dealt with this all alone…

Perhaps that's why Tino waited so long to tell him.

Still, sickening memories of the innocent-looking Finn calling him and telling him he would be missing dinner due to being held up at work flooded through his mind. How many times had he called him while lying naked beside someone else? How many times had he thought of another while they made love, or even just slept beside each other?

Berwald had to bow his head for a moment to compose himself.

In a wretched way, the Swede wondered if he had always known that his love for the sweet, beautiful Finn was not enough. Nor was it returned.

They had known each other for so long, and yet, it might have been possible to count the words that had passed between them.

Not many.

He couldn't find his words around Tino, and he was aware that he had always frightened him. It was hard to think that he would have willingly married and made a family with Berwald out of fear, but, what if Tino hadn't felt like he had a choice?

Had he felt more like a prisoner than a spouse?

Berwald removed his glasses and rubbed his face hard before he forced himself to begin working again.

That would have explained why Tino had felt he had to sneak around for so long. Maybe it was the only way he felt like he could escape.

He had never wanted to put his husband in that position. He truly did only ever wanted him to be happy. It just hurt to know that he had made him so miserable that he had resorted to something like cheating.

Against his will, as he worked in silence his mind began to fill itself with images of his husband in bed with another.

When it got to the point that he was considering smashing his head on the desk, however, he realized the thought had changed at some point.

The images were no longer of Tino and his lover, but, instead, of Mathias and Lukas.

No one could lie to Berwald the way Lukas could. He knew something had happened the night before between them, but the Norwegian had looked him in the eye and denied it. He wouldn't have liked that one bit, except for the fact that he was the only one who had answered. Poor Mathias didn't appear to have any grasp of what had happened. Maybe he really had been that drunk. He never had been able to utilize any ounce of self-control when he was drinking. Another infuriating charm of his, perhaps.

Lukas usually wasn't as weak to the Dane as Berwald was, however, so the Swede found that a point of interest.

Perhaps Lukas had gone to Mathias willingly, and only changed his mind once Berwald had arrived on the scene.

It wasn't such a farfetched idea.

Not really.

They all had such long histories, hopelessly entwined with each other, willingly or not. Alliances, unions, and wars colored their relationships, and their truer feelings were always considered expendable. In calmer times, however, they were allowed more freedom to love and hate and seek each other out of their own accord.

Not so long ago, they had all lived together under the rule of a Danish union. When Berwald left Mathias with Tino, Lukas had been left in the hands of the Dane for many more years. Lukas had hated him then, but so had Berwald. Lukas' hate, however, unlike Berwald's, could outlast the life of the country who earned it. He could hold a secret, silent grudge against anyone…except Mathias.

Perhaps now Lukas' old hatred for the Dane was finally dying.

He tried to tell himself that the weak fear he felt deep inside himself was imaginary, but it persisted.

Berwald feared this, it was true.

He had always feared the idea that Mathias loved Lukas and desired him more. He wouldn't compete for anyone's affection, it wasn't in his nature. Though he hated himself for it, he knew that if Mathias and Lukas had begun to rekindle their relationship, he would step aside.

As much as he loved Mathias, his heart simply wasn't strong enough to fight any more of these battles.

Someone entered his office and handed him a few papers. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he could only nod. They left quickly and he shook himself.

What was going on?

He shouldn't have been fussing over what was potentially between Mathias and Lukas. He needed to figure out what he was going to do about his husband and his son.

Divorce was most likely their only option.

They would have to figure out their custody options.

His heart wrenched in his chest as he imagined sitting down with Peter, explaining to him that his parents would be separating. What could they say? What reason could they give for their divorce that would make sense to a child?

Nothing good came to his mind. Berwald removed his glasses again and finally just set them on the desk before he covered his face with his hands.

He could only hope that Tino would have an idea.

This thought was met with little optimism, however.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I swear this was just supposed to be a short, smutty piece. I have no idea what happened. I promise, the next chapters will be about sorting this mess out and getting back to the mushier bits.


	7. Chapter 7

Tino called him.

He wouldn't be coming home tonight. They would talk tomorrow instead. At a restaurant, for lunch. That's where they would settle all of this.

After recovering, Berwald simply grunted. It was probably better that they not spend another night together anyway. He still felt absolutely wretched about their last encounter. And besides, he understood; Tino didn't know what to do yet, either.

Peter didn't seem concerned about anything yet, which Berwald was very thankful for. The two of them ate dinner together happily and Berwald helped him with his homework before attempting to play videogames with him. He wasn't very good, but Peter still seemed to be having fun. Having fun laughing at how terribly he played, anyway.

Berwald smiled at his son. He was such a sweet boy. Even if he wasn't exactly the incarnate of a nation as the others were in the traditional sense, something official must have happened when he was declared a state separate from England in order for him to have been created. Even if no one listened to the self-proclaimed micro-nation, or even so much as greeted him, Berwald recognized him and he still brought Peter to as many meetings as he was able. It still always made him smile to see how happy the young boy was just to be among the other nations.

At the end of the day, Berwald thought he seemed more like a human child than a country's incarnate, though. A child who could be harmed in process of a divorce.

He sighed quietly to himself.

When it was time for bed, the Swede stood and scooped up the small boy in his arms, letting him up to ride on his shoulders so that he could swing at the doorframes as he brought him into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and then into his bedroom to change into pajamas before crawling into bed.

Berwald sat down on the side of the bed as Peter wiggled beneath his blankets.

"Did you have a good day?" he asked, watching the way sleepiness began to descend over the young boy's face as he lied in the comfy bed.

"Uh-huh," he nodded.

There was a quiet sniffling and shuffling near the door, and the fluffy white ball that was Hanatamago suddenly appeared.

"Hana!" Peter called happily when he spotted the dog.

Berwald smiled, scooping up the dog as she bounded over to the bed and petted her head. "An' just where did you get off to?"

As if their little family wasn't weird enough, Berwald was beginning to suspect that their small dog led a secret, other life. She could just seem to disappear sometimes.

Hanatamago licked at his fingers before he set her down on the bed, where she promptly and inconsiderately stepped all over Peter's stomach in an attempt to find a comfy spot on the bed.

The small boy giggled and scratched her behind her ears when she settled down, and then Berwald cleared his throat and spoke again.

"Tomorrow, your dad and I are going to come pick you up from school, and then we'll need to talk, okay?" he tried to keep his voice steady and calm, not wanting to alarm his son, but felt it would be unfair not to give him any kind of heads-up.

"Okay," he said in a confused manner, but not one that altered Berwald to any concern.

The tall Swede leaned over and hugged his son, kissing the top of his head before the stood.

"You know we love you, right?" he asked.

"Yes, I know," Peter sighed with a smile and a tone of charming, childish annoyance at the reassurance of something that was securely known.

"Good." he nodded. "Because we always will. No matter what."

He bowed down once more, kissing Peter again on the cheek.

His son reached up and pushed Berwald away, squishing his face with his small hands. "Dad, stop it!"

He chuckled in amusement before he stood and walked to the door.

"Hey, dad?"

Turning at the door, he looked back at the precious picture of his son snuggled up beneath his blankets with their dog curled up protectively at his side.

"Hm?"

"I love you guys, too." He mumbled just loud enough for Berwald to hear, his mouth slightly hidden by the blanket.

Berwald smiled, his heart feeling warm in his chest, and nodded.

"Sweet dreams, Peter."

"Good night, dad."

He closed the door behind him softly, walking away to finish the dishes he had left soaking in the sink after dinner.

Nation or not, Berwald loved his son.

He washed the dishes and put them away quietly before shutting off the lights in the kitchen and walking back over to the couch. He didn't normally care to spend very much time in front of the television, but his mind was revving too fast for him to be able to sleep just yet.

He felt sick. Not because of how strange it was to hear his husband had called to tell him that he would be staying the night at his lover's house, but because of how familiar it felt. It felt almost like routine, really. He just had never suspected a secret reason behind any of this. He had trusted Tino so blindly. And yet, it seemed like he so often ended up with the house to himself. His son was growing up and didn't need so much constant attention and Tino was so rarely around.

Actively avoiding him, as it turned out. And he had just thought they were a young couple with busy schedules.

Berwald slumped down on the couch, keeping the volume so low he could hardly hear it. The screen flashed with various images and scenes as he flipped through the channels. He didn't want to watch any of it. Really, what he wanted was to go walk out into the sea and disappear. He wished he had never even been at all. His life had become too complicated too fast.

Leaving the channel on something bland and uninteresting, he raised his hands to his face and pulled of his glasses, rubbing his eyes hard before just pressing his palms against them. If he couldn't see his problems, maybe they wouldn't be able to see him.

He stayed like that for a while, but eventually, images did begin to appear behind his closed eyes.

Most of them…were not pleasant.

And then, he recalled Mathias telling him over breakfast that he thought he looked handsome, even with his stubble.

He couldn't help it; he blushed behind his hands, and after another moment he uncovered his face with a less dramatic breath. Somehow, in the midst of this nightmare, he still felt his chest tighten and grow warm. He was still in love.

Berwald's eyes fell back to the screen as he began absently flipping through channels again.

Yeah, he was in love alright. And that did make him feel a bit better about this mess. But, if his life was going to survive this divorce and truly come out better for it, especially in regards to Peter, there would need to be more than just…physical love between them. He didn't doubt that there was more, he just needed to know it would be enough.

Tino didn't love Berwald, and Peter wouldn't be oblivious to that forever. He didn't want his son growing up and having no faith in love or marriage. But, if he really put his son through this separation, it would have to be for the better.

Mathias and Berwald just had such a long history with each other. Normal humans would have murdered each other ages ago if they had been forced to endure what the two Scandinavians had, and heaven knows they tried, but more than anything it made things messy and unclear now. There had been times when they hated each other, when they had taken up arms and went to war again and again, just to see the color of the other's blood. There had been times when Berwald was certain he couldn't have hated anything in the world as much as he hated Mathias. When his body was overwhelmed with a seething, sickening anger that hardened his heart to stone.

But, of course, there had been times when those thoughts couldn't have been more contradictory. When he was overwhelmed, to the point of paralyzation and muteness, with untamed feelings of love and adoration for his neighboring nation. When they had been inseparable from one another, no matter what their dignitaries ordered them to do, crawling into each other's beds and staying up into the late hours of the night, just for the sake of being together. No one could love like Mathias; to be in love with the Danish incarnate was to embrace madness willingly.

Their relationship had also never been exactly exclusive. Over the ages, they had both had their fair share of lovers and relationships. Lukas was the main one that stood out in his mind. Mathias had adored the beautiful Norwegian ever since he had laid eyes on him. Berwald had always hated that, even if he couldn't deny that the short, quiet, mysterious blond had caught his attention as well. Berwald had taken Lukas for his own once, but, their time together didn't last nearly as long as Lukas' relationship with Mathias. Even if their long union wasn't exactly unconditional and loving, there was still something deeper between them than what Lukas had never admitted to.

Through all of that, Berwald was left feeling uncertain about where they now stood. Their lives had calmed down in a way that had felt rather sudden. There was no more war; no more tribulation or wretched restlessness within their nations. They weren't so young anymore. They learned trades, they focused their efforts on industry and economy, and their relations with each other were much calmer and therefore indistinct.

Back in the day, Berwald knew how he felt about Mathias because he was actively either trying to kiss him or to kill him. Anymore, he really wasn't sure. Everything had just become so subtle. And he felt like he constantly missed subtle things. And, obviously, not so subtle things. Like his husband having a six-month long affair.

He turned off the television and stared at the blackness before he dragged himself up off the couch.

As he shuffled to the bedroom, he sighed. Tomorrow morning, he would talk to Mathias. He would find out then if what they had for each other would be enough. After that he would talk to Tino. They would decide and plan out what they were going to do. Then, together, he and Tino would talk to Peter.

Berwald stripped down, set his glasses on the nightstand, and collapsed gracelessly onto the bed. He lied there with his face uncomfortably mashed into the pillows before he rolled over into a more comfortable position. As he moved, however, he became aware that, although he could take up as much space as he wanted tonight, he still kept himself close to one side.

He tried to spread out a little bit, but no matter how hard he tried, he always subconsciously returned to clinging to the edge of the bed. Clinging to his damned ignorance, maybe.

Couldn't do that anymore.

He was tired, but such pestering thoughts kept him tossing and turning for a while longer. When he finally fell asleep, he dreamed strange dreams about wandering through darkened mazes, able to hear people whispering around corners, but never able to see anyone.

In the morning his legs and feet ached, as though he had been walking all night.

* * *

The first ring went entirely unnoticed, the second got him to crack an eye open, and the third had him springing out of bed to get to his phone.

"Hel—ahem, hello?" Mathias answered, his eyes hardly able to remain opened on their own once the adrenaline wore off.

" _It_ _'s me,"_ Berwald's voice was so nice and deep over the phone, but it did get him to wake up a little more.

"Hey," he responded and rubbed his face.

" _'_ _M c_ _ommin' over._ _I want to_ _talk to ya before..."_ he trailed off.

Before anyone agreed to anything or talked to Peter.

"Alright," he nodded, stretching. "I'll shower real quick."

There was an affirmative grunt on the other end of the line before it went dead.

Mathias frowned. Berwald wasn't really one for long phone conversations, but he still never hung up without saying goodbye. He didn't figure that was a good sign.

That was more than enough to force him away from his warm bed and into the shower. He got ready as quickly as he could. He didn't know what was going to happen, though he tried his best to be more prepared and think about what Berwald might have to say and what they might have to decide on, but his thoughts kept wandering. It was in his nature to be more at ease with waiting to find out rather than extrapolating and going ahead like Lukas seemed to do so easily.

As he hopped out and dried himself, he found that his thoughts kept falling back to the Norwegian. He wasn't answering his calls. Nor was he returning them. He hadn't left many messages though; he wasn't sure what to say over the phone. He wanted to talk to him directly.

He wanted to apologize.

God, he was such an idiot.

Mathias took too long on his hair, and when he heard the front door open, he had to run to find clothes. He had got on his boxers and was hardly into his pants when Berwald entered. Although the Dane smiled at him, the entire atmosphere of the room immediately became cold and serious.

He finished pulling on his pants and took a few timid steps towards the Swede. Their height difference was only occasionally noticeable, but it was at times like this that Mathias actually felt it. Berwald towered near the door, his face stony and his eyes dangerously void. His shoulders were tense. His hands looked like they wanted to ball up into fists.

He was pissed.

But why?

"Ber?" Mathias asked, his voice little more than a whisper.

"Listen." He commanded. "If yer just fuckin' around with me, you'd better tell me right fucking now."

* * *

In the morning, when Tino awoke curled up in Eduard's arms, he didn't exactly feel any better, but he didn't feel like crying either. He had cried so much the night before that his eyes were all swollen and puffy, but he felt a strange stillness within him now. He was still sad and feeling absolutely wretched, but in an eerily calm way.

Edward was awake already, but he simply held him and continued to breathe in soft, measured breaths. He wouldn't rush him. Wouldn't push or pressure him.

So they were silent.

Tino didn't know how he felt about anything anymore. He was upset and distraught, but also angry and frustrated. More than anything, however, he was exhausted. The small Finn wanted nothing more than to crawl under the bed and hide until the next century.

"Relax." He felt the gentle pads of Eduard's fingers begin to ghost through his hair and across his face, and he closed his eyes.

In truth, he _did_ feel relaxed. In this place, anyway. It was the other stuff beyond the bedroom door that was stressing him out. Within Eduard's bedroom, a seemingly timeless, comforting space, he allowed his body to go limp, and surrendered to the soothing touches.

"We don't have to talk about it until you want to." He told him firmly.

Tino sighed. "I _do_ want to talk about it."

"Then let's talk about it."

"Hmph."

Tino didn't know what to think, let alone what to say. Everything he was feeling was so complicated and intertwined with other things, he wasn't sure how he could even begin to say one thing without a thousand others tumbling out of his mouth at the same time in disjunction. He kept his eyes closed as the touches continued, and then took a steadier breath and tried to collect and organize his thoughts.

"I love you," he began, stating what he knew for certain first, to build a foundation for the rest of his thoughts.

"Off to a good start." Eduard teased him as he propped himself up on one elbow beside him.

Tino smiled, but then licked his lips. "But, I love Peter. He's my son and I want what's best for him."

Eduard nodded solemnly. He couldn't see it, but Tino knew he did.

"And Berwald?" he asked quietly when the Finn didn't continue after a minute.

Tino, too exhausted to squirm anymore, just shrugged. "He's Tino's father, too."

The man in bed beside him seemed relieved.

The shorter blond sighed again. He didn't love Berwald. Not in that way. Their night together had shocked him, but, it really hadn't made him love the frightening Swede any more. That was clearer now. That irrational jealousy was still there, but, as he lied there and gently pursed his mouth to kiss the tips of Eduard's fingers as the trailed over his lips, he decided that he wanted the one beside him far more than he wanted Berwald to pick him over Mathias.

Tino breathed more steadily and opened his eyes. He knew now that he loved Eduard more than he loved Berwald. And he knew that, as fantastic as his husband had been in bed that night, a life together with him would still feel empty, and that Tino's thoughts would always wander back to that quirky Estonian whom he had fallen in love with over so many years apart.

"I love you."

"You already covered that." He informed him, and then smiled when Tino continued to stare, and bent over to steal a kiss.

Their lips lingered against each other's, and Tino felt those familiar feelings course through him.

Excitement. Happiness. Comfort.

"I love you too, Tino." He told him close to his skin. "And I'm here for you, no matter what."

He let his eyes drift over the lines of his lover's face in the pale morning light. He wished he had never brought any of this on him, but now, he couldn't imagine letting him go. Though, if they were to stay together, Tino would have to make certain that he was doing this for more than just a friend with benefits.

"I have to ask you something," he told him, and then looked away when he saw the glimmer of concern in the eyes above him. "And I want you to be completely honest with me, even if you think I won't like the answer. What I mean is…"

He sat up a bit and sighed, still not looking at Eduard.

"Where do you see this going, between us?"

A tense silence.

Eduard fidgeted beside him. He knew if they had been in another setting he would have fussed with his cell phone.

"I don't know, I mean I—I guess I thought," he paused and cleared his throat, and Tino turned a bit to look at him. "I want us to be together. For, a long time. In a steady and honest relationship, not one where we have to sneak around."

The Finn nodded and stared down at the folds in the sheets. Off to a good start.

After a few more minutes of fidgeting, he spoke louder. "I want to date you."

That caught his attention, and Tino turned around more fully. "What?"

"I want to date you as Tino, not as Berwald's husband." He explained and then looked down and rubbed his arm. "I want to date you and get to know you, all of you, and do things together and spend more time together. And I want to live with you for a while before we go get married."

It was a lot of information all at once, but he smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah," he smiled softly back, and then sighed. "It just seemed like the two of you got married so fast. And look how it turned out. I want to go slow with you. And I know Peter needs his parents, but, maybe it's better to wait until _we're_ ready before we just shove a new family together for him."

Tino looked down thoughtfully.

It was true; Berwald had asked to marry him out of what feel like nowhere, and it _had_ all happened so quickly. It would be nice to go slow. To take his time, and see things through at his own pace. His heart warmed at the thought that Eduard did, in fact, want to live together though, and that he had considered Peter in all of this. It was more than Tino had dared to hope for.

"I think," he began slowly. "Going slow sounds really nice."

Eduard perked up , eyes shining with some sort of victory in a way that made Tino want to kiss him and smack him with a pillow at the same time.

"You can move in with me now, if you want." He told him, rather bashfully, and then his eyes regained their light. "And if you want Peter to come over or stay with us, that's okay, too. I have that spare room down the hall that's just filled with junk. We could clean it out and make a room for him."

Tino began to smile, bringing his fingers to his lips in thought. It wasn't such a farfetched idea. He could actually picture that already. Making dinners and watching movies together, going out on little day dates and visiting odd stores together. He smiled a little more, but then it faded a bit as the thought was tarnished by the realization that Peter would more than likely only be visiting him while he was with Eduard. Maybe that could change once they were married, but for the foreseeable future, taking his time with his relationship meant losing time with his son.

He looked down.

Eduard reached forward and took his hand when he saw this, and held it gently between both of his.

"We don't live so far, not really." He told him. "We could have Peter every weekend, if you wanted. It's not that long of a drive."

Tino sighed. Whatever he wanted, he would have to come to an agreement with Berwald. He was certain the Swede would yield to whatever he wanted if he was firm enough, but he didn't want that. As much as he wanted to be with his son all hours of the day, he wanted to work something out that would be in Peter's best interest. He knew Berwald would have this at heart.

Custody. That's what their meeting over lunch would most likely be about now. He grimaced.

"You're going to see him today?" Eduard asked him softly.

He nodded and ran his hand through his bangs. "Yeah."

"I could come with you,"

Tino looked at him, and something about that tugged on the corners of his lips. Eduard was just as terrified of the tall, stoic man as he was, but as he looked at him, he saw him puff out his chest bravely. Like he intended to go as Tino's bodyguard. He smiled a little more at the image.

"You don't have to," he told him truthfully.

He couldn't decide if he wanted him to go or not. Either way, it would be pretty awkward. But, they would have to get used to it at some point, right? Berwald was Peter's father, and Eduard was the man he was in love with. Their lives were already hopelessly entangled. Might as well.

"I want to be there for you." He told him with such firmness and honesty that Tino's small chest welled up with emotion, and he brought Eduard's hand up to his lips to press kisses against his knuckles.

"Alright, then."

They smiled, took their time with one more long, slow kiss, and then got out of bed. Tino showered first while Eduard brushed his teeth and politely waited. It wasn't the right time for sexy shower fun just yet. Once he got out and dried off, Eduard hopped in while he stood before the sink, wiping the fog off of the mirror as he grabbed his toothbrush. As he began brushing his teeth, he looked at his reflection, and then whined.

"What?" the man behind the shower curtain asked.

His response was garbled by his toothbrush and a mouthful of toothpaste.

" _What?_ " he asked again.

Tino laughed a little, then spit and rinsed his mouth out. "My eyes are all puffy,"

His eyelids were red and swollen from his endless crying the night before. He pushed on them gently with his fingertips. They were also slightly tender. He felt like he looked so stupid. He poured a little cold water into his cupped hand and splashed it over his eyes before drying off his face and looking again. No good.

"Wait, I know what to do!" Eduard cried to him the way he did when he remembered some random bit of trivia that was suddenly relevant.

"What?" Tino asked, if not warily.

"I've got a cucumber in the kitchen! We can slice it up and put it on your eyes!" he told him excitedly.

"Why?" Tino asked, bewildered.

"I saw it on the internet," he told him. "It's supposed to help bring down swelling and redness and stuff."

Vaguely he thought he might have remembered seeing that in a movie or something, but then he just decided to laugh. "Don't believe everything you read online,"

"No, this will really work! I'll show you!" he told him, turning off the water and peeking out to grab his towel.

Tino just grinned and shook his head, noticing a bit of soap on his ear that had been missed in his excitement. Besides, he was more than willing to do whatever it would take to distract himself from thinking about the meeting that was to come. He was always overthinking things like that, which only led to worse outcomes.

"Alright," he told him. "But if it makes it worse it's your fault."

Eduard just laughed as he dried off. "Have a little faith in your boyfriend."


End file.
